I am getting more worried now.
"Should I get a confinement lady?" This question keeps weighing on my mind, and it gets heavier when I listen to more mothers share with me their "terribly tiring" experiences in the 1st month of confinement.
I know myself pretty well, that I am not a tough woman, so the more I doubt myself and my capabilities to cope with a newborn baby who will be demanding long duration of feeds, and high frequency some more! I do not know how to cope with long sleepless days and nights, the cries of the baby, the endless household chores of washing, mopping (esp I can't do heavy duty work in my confinement yet the house have to be kept clean with a baby around!) - it will be like a zombie month!
Am I being too pessimistic here, or am I being realistic here?
Hubby said that he will help me, but I do not want to burn him out as he still needs to work. Especially his line of work is pretty demanding. He often has to work through late nights/ occasional weekends now. How would he have that luxury of time when he has to cope with a newborn baby and an useless wife/mother? sigh...
Why is it that other women have the help of their mother/mother-in-law/or sometimes even both fighting to help? My mother has to take care of my ailing grandmother so she cannot help me. My mother-in-law has to work, so she can only cook and come over in the mornings...sigh...
So, should I:
(a) Hire a confinement lady and spent that more than $2000 amount on a reliable help so that our lives will be made easier? (Hubby didn't really want to hire one because he thinks there's no need to spend that money)
(b) Not hire a confinement lady and allow our lives to be drained and cause our relationship to sour when we get tired and things get ugly?
(c) hire a part-time domestic maid at $200+ to at least help with the household chores and relieve us part of the demands?
(d) be more positive-thinking and assume that we can do it, without the extra help?
(e) insist my mother to come help me despite I have already asked and hinted to her? (I can't be insisting my mother-in-law to come help me right? Not being to afford her loss of income thou...)
Well, by now, most of the good confinement ladies have been chopped by July mothers, for they have been discussing this topic at their 1st trimester (in sgmotherhood forum). I am the tortoise that has been lagging behind cuz I did not decide whether I want or not want to hire a confinement lady. With the months approaching the due date closer and closer, I can't help worrying... sigh sigh sigh...
Candice, just my opinion, but i think a good confinement lady relieves a lot of stress in your 1st month, i do agree it is a lot of money spent but it's worth it. My sister for example, was able to get enough sleep and rest during her 1st month,have time to have a Malay lady to come and do massage for her without all the worrying of the newborn baby.All my brother in law has to do is grocery shopping! My sis's confinement lady is a wonderful chinese lady who cooks very well and look after both my sis and the baby well, i can get her contacts from my sister and hopefully she is available should you decide to get one. =)
ReplyDeletedon't stress don't stress! okay, if both mums are unable to commit to a fixed schedule to help you, then a helper would most probably help. at the very least, additional help will alleviate unnecessary stress from chores.
ReplyDeleteMaid
pros:
+ help you with the housework while you focus on your baby
(there'll be more laundry to do for babies because they may puke milk on their clothes while they burp, accidentally wet themselves when they drink water, or even while changing out of diapers, etc. and it's not a good idea to buy so many clothes just for change when they grow out of it very very quickly.)
+ after you return to work, there is still someone to help you while you manage both work and baby
+ your mum/MIL can teach her how to cook confinement food and JQ can help get the ingredients from the market. either mums can just come by to check on the maid occasionally to make sure she's doing it right.
cons:
- it's a two-year commitment so it's the monthly expenses x24.
- some maids may need you to keep an eye on them too. so if you are keen to get a maid, bring her in earlier so that you can train her first and feel more comfortable with her when you're at home during maternity. besides you may already need help with the chores in the last trimester. just in case JQ is busy and tired from work!
Confinement Lady
pros:
+ they will know what to do for you during this one month
+ can help better while you recover from the childbirth process as they help take care of the baby too
cons:
- some can be very expensive
- some can give new mums alot of stress when they can't "perform" according to their expectations, since they've seen so many new mums
(remember, try to keep only to listening what the doc says. more professional advice! other information can be taken with a pinch of salt and check with your doc about it if you want to follow.)
this is my two cents worth from my SIL and friends' experience.
Thank you girls...I really think we need to get practical on the reality after the baby is born... I find it a bit daunting whenever I think about it..
ReplyDeleteXiaoru: I will get the contact from you just in case I really need one. Prefers referral ones.
Candice: Don't think will be getting a maid. Wonder how did my brother and sister-in-law managed their babies by themselves...Really admirable!
take it one step at a time..with your patience and JQ's support, i'm sure you guys can work something out.
ReplyDeletehugs.
I'm into the 9th day of my confinement and I must say with a confinement lady around, it really helps alot. I was able to catch my sleep in the night as the CL handles the night feeds, changing diapers etc. while I only wake up 2 times to pump milk. Even with my MIL around (who has lost touch with baby care after so many years..), the CL is better able to take care of baby as she's very experienced and will attend to your every need. Cause sometimes, with your own mother or MIL, you wouldn't dare to ask them to help you with some minor stuff. When's your EDD? I can pass you her contact via email if you are interested.
ReplyDeleteCongrats to the birth of Jayden, Jasz!
ReplyDeleteI've also heard many mothers who also said that having a CL is really helpful.. My EDD is 27 July 09. Would be grateful for your CL contacts, how much she charges and your feedback!! : )
Will discuss with hubby on that...
Gal, don't panic. Discuss things through with JQ.
ReplyDeleteI think having a confinement lady will be really good since both mums are unable to commit their time to help out. My colleague just gave birth last year end, and she told me her confinement lady is really good. Other than her normal 'duties', she also help me colleague to do some household chores when the baby's asleep. If I'm not wrong, she also shun bian cooks for her husband as well. And at night, she'll help to feed the baby and ask you to rest (cos some CL will prepare the milk and ask you to feed yourself! She told me her rate was $1.8K last year, not sure if it's changed. If you want, I can help you to get the contacts.
And when you start to work, probably can choose to leave the baby at the infant care. Alvin's friend did that but she says must choose the correct ones. The one she went to...the babies all look very happy everyday. The centre lets the babies listen to music, etc (cos I forgot what others they have). Not like another which only lets the baby sleep and eat whole day.
Above are alternatives you can have other than employing a maid.
My CL charges 1.9K for 28 days and she has been really helpful around the house, teaching us to read the signs of baby and she is very alert when baby wakes up in the night as she sleep in with me & I can observe her. She's also very patient in that she will feed my boy with my EBM and later top-up with formula as my supply is not enough to meet my boy's demand yet. The dishes she cooked are also very nice and she knows how to cook soup to increase my milk supply. I will PM you her contact.
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies!!! The discussion with hubby has been quite progressive! will be calling the contacts soon!!
ReplyDeleteYipee! Hopefully can cfm one soon!!
Hey girl, cannot really give you feedback cause I have not done my confinement yet. But in any case, I can give you the contact of my CL if you want. She is a Malaysian who is recommended by my friend's cousin.
ReplyDeleteAlternatively, my friend catered for confinement food while her mother takes care of the baby. If you want, I can help you ask her for the contacts for the confinement food.
Are you pregnant too? : )
ReplyDeleteYup yup. :) 32th week
ReplyDelete