Our Secret Date

Sssh... It's our secret date... 

We were on leave on last Friday, without informing my in-laws - Kayla's caregiver during the weekdays cuz we planned to go on a Secret Date! A date that belongs to juz both of us!

Started with Yakiniku Lunch buffet @ Daidomon - quite difficult to eat with peace if Kayla is around..sorry girl, have to leave you behind for this! We've always wanted to try this so decided to have it when she's not around.



Next we rushed to Plaza Sing for a movie date - 2012. A very touching movie on the end of the world... It's especially touching after we became parents to Kayla and the scenes of the separation of parents and children makes my heart break. My tears kept flowing.. During the show, I kept missing Kayla and wished the secret date could end soon so that we can go and pick her up asap!

Despite missing Kayla loads, I still enjoy my private time with dearie... It makes long missed lovey dovey husband-and-wife feelings to return and makes us closer again.

I think I will want another secret date with dearie again! hee.. *Sorry Kayla!*

Sentiments 2009

My 2009 is an EXCITING & FULFILLING year for me...

After carrying Kayla for 40 weeks inside me, I finally become a mother on 26 July 2009.

It was not easy as a new mother starting from day 1 after she arrived to this world... Doing confinement and taking care of a newborn baby seemed to be the toughest moment I'd encountered. Without the support of my hubbie, I wouldn't have survived the 1st month, and also managed to breastfeed Kayla successfully. I am grateful for his endless support since the very 1st day even till now.

Moving on to the 2nd, 3rd, and now Kayla is growing well and strong in her 4th month! How time flies! Sometimes when I look back and try to recall the beginning times, the memories seem blurry...haha... How weird! Maybe the happiness as a mother now has over-ridden those lack-of-sleep zombie days, and those non-stop-crying-frustrating days bah. The joy of having her in our life, and seeing her growing and developing everyday makes our life so much fulfilling. It is good to have her in my arms, cuddling her, talking to her, smiling to her, listening to her baby talk, watching her play, witnessing her sleeping in peace...

My life won't be complete without her existence.

And now with friends around me also becoming new parents, I will try to render my support and lend a listening ear to them as much as possible, especially I've went through the tough stage myself. It's fulfilling to know that our tips/advice helps them and make things easier for them as new parents. We will be on the same path from now onwards, so support for one another is very important.

Let's look forward to a better 2010, together with our new bundle of joy bah!

Baby Kayla is ill : (

Poor Kayla - She has a cough and sneezes occasionally... So poor thing for a little person to be coughing and sneezing (and even blowing bubbles with her mucus!) like an adult. And so expensive are those little people's medical bills! (brought her to see her pd).

She was also breathing heavily after taking the medicine, due to her blocked airway.. She duno how to use her mouth to breathe mah. So trying hard to breathe thru her blocked nose.

Poor girl..

Papa & mummy will take good care of you and hope you can be healthy once again!

Love you forever...

My 1st Burberry Blue Label Bag

It has arrived!

My very first Burberry Blue Label Bag!

Nothing to be proud about, but just that its my very first...A bit late to own a branded bag but at least its before I turn 30 years old...haha..

Baby Kayla is 3 and 1/2 months old!

Mummy is so busy once she got back to work 2 weeks ago such that she don't have the luxury time to update on Baby Kayla's development! Finally have some quiet time and a bit of energy to do that while she's asleep in her own cot, in her own room by herself *BEAM!*

Talking about that, we have tried to put her to sleep by herself few weeks ago, and it has been pretty okay. Of cuz we will activate the baby monitor and be on standby (i.e  ME) whenever she cries or make noises for quite some time. But most of the time she will sleep thru the nite till at least dawn then she might wake up for some makan time! Then she will fall asleep  again as I feed her... A sleepy baby who refuses to sleep during the day!

At 3 and 1/2 months old, she has also started to talk more (actually making more gurgles and cooings) and even started to talk to her "friends"! Well, her "friends" are either the Winnie & Piglet characters on the wall border, or the Winnie & gang on her cot mobile. Heard from my MIL that she even talk to the Tweety Bird character on her cot bumper!

Apart from liking to look at her own hands, and being able to use her hands to touch things more steadily, she can even grasp them tight when she manages to grab them by chance.




Tried rolling her to lie on her tummy once, and she seems to be coping well and doing mini push ups!


Now she's tired and need a break from the exercise!
Or maybe have some "finger-food" time?


Oh my dear Kayla...mummy loves you very much! Muacks!!! Seeing you growing stronger and healthily every day makes me really feel fortunate to have you as my baby...

Mummy Yam is Back to Work!

It has been a week since Mummy Yam returned to work..Initially thought I will have some time to get back into work momentum but didnt expect myself to be facing urgent matters to handle right away. I've no choice but to force myself to retrieve data from my "backup drive" in my brain and quickly get hands-on the tasks. Other than having to cope with stress of the work, I also have to handle all by myself as boss is still not back from her maternity leave. On top of that I have to better manage my time as I need to go pump milk, wash n sterilise the equipments 2 times a day. Every morning I also have to wake up earlier to pump milk before going to work. *Tired* Although there are more challenges for me to cope, I find it surprising that I'm coping ok! Maybe my stress level tolerance has increased with the coping of a baby at home for the past 3 months...Motherhood indeed has made me grow stronger n more matured.

I dun dare to think of my baby when I am busy at work thou I really miss her a lot. Only dare to look at her pictures and think of her when I am at my milk expression sessions. I was so lookin forward to knocking off work everyday & wish weekends can quickly come so that I can take care of her myself. So contrasting situation now comparing to my 1st month with her..haha...

At first I thought I can count on the maid who have been with us for almost 2 months, to take care of Kayla together with my in-laws. But sigh..already facing problems with her barely 1st wk I return to work. My FIL is missing 2 special $5 notes from his wallet which he keeps as collection. And from that day onwards, the maid started to show distraction in her work attitude and performed badly. Since tis is nt the 1st time of missing $, we decide the element of trust is no longer there, so have to send her back to the agency. We really have no choice but to send her back even thou we find her performance good. I wonder if we can still find someone as good as her the next round. Actually I still dislike the idea of hiring a maid again as I do not wish to subject ourselves to such nightmares again, I have no choice since my in laws need extra help taking care of Kayla. Unless if we manage to find a good bbsitter nearby then that's even better!

Well, take a step at a time and see wat God has planned for us bah...

The feelings before going back to work..

In another week's time, I will have to end my 3 months' of Mum-@-Home assignment and resume to Mum-@-Work status...

In my 1st month of stayin at home, I felt tired, bored and desperately wanted to go back to work...But after being with my baby for almost 24/7 everyday, and seeing her growing up everyday, I really can't bear to leave her for so many hours without seeing her. I've grown attached to her, but I do not know whether is the mutual feeling for her too? Or so long if there's milk milk, and there's people carrying and cuddling her, she will feel indifferent? I duno yet.. Shall see it next week bah.

I am also worried that she will grow more attached to the maid - the main caregiver, when I am always not around with her. And she will get more used to her style and will not give in to mine. Especially that Filipino maid of mine always hum that song supposedly in tagalore that I dun understand, and my baby always go silent and rocked to sleep. Should I feel glad that she's able to pacify my baby or should I feel jealous that she has her way with the baby? I am also worried when we are not around to supervise and remind her, whether she will forget this forget that, neglect this and neglect that? But since we are not the ones taking care of the baby ourselves, how to monitor every single little thing ourselves? No matter how hard, also must slowly let go our grip and let them handle. One thing assuring is that, my in laws will be around to supervise the maid and help to take care of the baby themselves, so at least my baby will be close to their grandparents which is a good thing!

After going back to work, I also have to continue to express my milk. Wonders if that will hinder my work. Also not sure how to bring so many barang barang to office - the medela electronic pump bag, the containers and brush to wash the pumps, my own handbag... aiyo..dun even know how to squeeze into the mrt every morning. So I hope I can survive expressing of milk for the next 3 months when baby reaches 6th month old.

Kayla, mummy will miss u alot when I return to work in another week's time.. Will u miss me too?

Baby Kayla is 2 months old!

2 months old Kayla has a lot of development since last month - Her weight gain, her chubbiness, her responsiveness to us, more "talking" (she is quite talkative..hee.. even said her first "Hello" to us!), more smiling, more of different types of cries including 撒娇 kind, more into playing, and likes it when we praised her. Sometimes she will juz want us to hug and carry her, and will cry once you put her down and will stop immediately when you carry her in your arms. How funny.  

Sometimes I even think she understands partly what we are trying to tell her as she stops to listen to what we say (not when she's hungry and frustrated lah!) So I like to play and talk to her more now as I feel my love is reciprocated. Started to enjoy playing and talking to her as my daily activity, and started to get used to life being a mummy... A bit reluctant to return back to worklife in another 2 weeks' time...haiz. How ironic. Wanted so much to go back to work during 1st month, and now wish I have more time with her... Sure will miss her a lot when I return back to work.

Her sleeping patterns have also now started to be more stable, and for the past few nights can sleep through the night without waking up for feeds. So now we are less tired in the sense that we do not need to wake up in the middle of the night. But she still cries and fuss for quite some time before she concussed, and always want us to carry her till she sleeps. Wondering is that a common problem among babies?

Loving her lots and lots more...my baby...my precious darling...

Her 1st time on the infant car seat:


Her 1st swim:

Her lovely smile:


Her grumpiness:

Her sucking thumb momentz:


Her play time:

Confessions of a guilty mom

In fact, I think I do not deserved to be a mother at all.

I am really guilty. I think I am not a good mother. Call it mother's instinct, I sense that the baby does not actually need me as her mother at all. What do I provide her? I only provide her breastmilk, in fact, she can rely on formula milk, she doesn't need me at all. Whenever she is in distress and cries, I try to carry her but resulted in more agitatedness. But once she is handed over to her father, she will eventually calm down and sleep peacefully in his warmth arms. Why? Why can't she find peace with me - her mother? I juz feel that she doesn't like me as much as her father who is so much more patient, loving and understanding towards her than me towards her.

I feel so guilty. Then he understands that the baby cries because she may be uncomfortable, having stomach wind, not because she wants to cry. By understanding that, he dotes on her more and not detests her non-stop crying. What about me? Instead of doing even better than him, I lamented how sian it is that she keeps crying, and especially when I tried to coax her it got even worse. I even grumbled in frustration that I hate her crying.

I shouldn't say all these, as a mother. But I really said that. Even my husband is also upset with me for saying such things. I see how he hugs her and sayang her, askin her if she's in pain ah, then I reflect on myself, why can't I do the same to my daughter? Why can't I understand that she may be suffering or unhappy, and try to be more patient towards her instead of venting frustrations over her crying. I admit that sometimes I will vent my frustrations on her by refusing to coax her or sayang her when she cries... I am so guilty of so many sins. So I am an undeserving mother. She doesn't need me at all. She has her good and doting father to care for her will do. He is doing much better than me in all aspects.

No matter how hard I try, how much I do, I am juz not doing enough. I am juz not a good mother. I am juz not understanding enough. I am juz not patient enough. I am just not showing enough love.

~Confessions by a very guilty and undeserving mom~

The new maid is here

We've hired a Filipino maid for my in-laws as will be putting the baby in their care after I return to work, and she'd arrived yesterday.

I never had a maid in my life so very not used to having a "stranger" in the house. I am also not used to teaching someone household chores (cuz normally its hubbie who is teaching me..heehee), supervising someone to do tasks. I am also not used to someone calling me "Mum, Mum, Mum"..haha.. I am a lazy person and is kinda glad that I do not need to do so much household chores now, but keep reminding myself whatever I can do myself, I try to do cuz if not I will become too dependent on her help and become lazier in the future when we send her to stay at my in-law's place.

Well, first impression of the maid is pretty ok - she is quite initiative, will observe how we do things then try to do herself, standard of English still not bad (at least both sides understand each other), knows how to use electrical appliances (apparently she used to work in Singapore for 2 years few years back), can cook. Basically she can do the household chores without us telling her to. Juz hoping she will not give us any problem when the real self surfaces..

Baby Kayla is 1 month old!

Congrats to myself that I have finally endured 1 full month of confinement and I finally can be "released" today! Wahaha...

Following the end of my confinement is that, Baby Kayla is 1 month old! I agree that despite the past 1 month hasn't been easy for me and hubby, time flies!

I am loving Baby Kayla more and more each day, finding her multiple facial expressions, her different types of cries representing different needs, the look in her innocent eyes, and even when she 'gek sai' are all so funny and interesting! Maybe the bonding between us is finally setting in...

Today is the 1st time I breastfeed Baby Kayla in public (in a restaurant), and not in a nursing room. Initially I was quite worried that I may not be able to handle as it may be awkward for me. Surprisingly I managed to cover ourselves quite discreetly and I can even eat while I feed her in comfort! Cool! With more practice, I am sure I will get more familiar with such feeding antics.

For the past weeks, I have learnt how to push myself beyond the usual limits, to strengthen my mental determination despite the physical tiredness, to pick myself up after having a good cry, and being more patient. All these are because of the love I have for Baby Kayla and my husband..

Some photo updates of Baby Kayla:

Her favourite pasttime - biting her fingers

Her little finger..holding Papa's finger tightly..

Her tiny little feet, saying Hi!


Baby Kayla, dressed up beautifully for her baby shower celebration

Little Kayla's Baby Shower

Date: 22 Aug 2009

Venue: Civil Service Club @ Tessensohn

Baby Kayla - 3 weeks old

In my daughter's eyes

(The song)

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me
strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

❤iPretty!❤美丽女人❤

http://www.iprettyface.blogspot.com/

3rd & final week of my confinement!

A happy thing to celebrate tis week - Final week of my confinement! Yipee!

Will be celebrating Kayla's full month on this Sat and going out with her & hubby next week to get presents for my FIL & SIL.Also a chance for me to get a breather!

Hubbie is back to office this week after accompanying us for 3 full weeks..He's really a capable, supportive & doting husband cum father to me & the baby. Without him around, I wonder if I can survive the past torturous & depressing weeks...We'd our laughing momentz even when cleaning baby's greenish poo-poo together! Althou' we are beat, we still support each other in taking care of Kayla, making our relationship even closer than before.

Breastfeeding has become easier for me now thou my back feels strained after sitting in the position for more than an hour, at least . wat to do when she feeds so slow? Havn't got to bathe her yet. Will do it after my confinement bah.

Her hands can grasp our fingers well now and she likes to suck her fingers! We keep her fingers away from her mouth by putting mittens on her. So she bites her mittens instead.

Now she can smile...

frown...

stretch herself...

sleep with her mouth opened

Shots of her in the pram (too big for her?)

On the Winnie bouncing chair, taking a nap in between feeds


In her Hippo shorts

Sleeping in her dad's arms

Talkin to Winnie the Pooh?


Crying & Fretting (her way to tell us "I M HUNGRY!!!!!!!!")

Well...no matter how Kayla frustrates us with her cries, shes still our Super Cute baby...

(see wat see? box u ah!) wahaha..

Updates on Baby Kayla

Baby Kayla - From Birth to 2 days old

Papa & Mummy Yammie are tired..

How time "flies". Baby Kayla is now 2 weeks old. Day in day out both Papa & Mummy Yammie are busy fussing over the baby, and the house. Especially we've "fired" our confinement nanny mid of this week, reason being that she has started to show bad attitude especially after we give her some feedback. She even vented it out by not washing the milk bottles thoroughly. This is one of the infuriating things that we have to bear with her. There was a time whereby Dear wanted to carry the baby when she was crying, and he even say out twice, but she ignored him totally! How frustrating that is! We are the baby's parents, so we have the priority and the right to carry the baby and soothe her when she cries. We feel its a pressure having her to continue staying with us, especially she takes care of the baby totally at night. So we asked her to leave after speaking to the agency. We felt more relieved, although more tired now as we have to do everything by ourselves, without her posing as a "threat" in the house. Other than only us, we have my mother-in-law and cousin-in-law helping to cook and clean the house every now and then. Really appreciative of them rendering help to us even at last minute's notice.

So with the confinement nanny not around, we have to take up the responsibilities to take care of the baby earlier - for e.g. bathing the baby, changing diapers, dressing and undressing the baby, coaxing the baby to sleep, waking up for night feeds etc. It's not easy for both of us, especially with the baby crying so loudly when we are slower in our actions. It's also heart aching having to hear the baby crying so pathetically, with her whole body and face turing red, when she seems to be scared.. How we wish we know how to pacify her in the right way, and not causing her so much distress...

Other than the above, Baby Kayla also have her updates! She has more cutesy facial expressions now, and sleeps lesser in the daytime now. Of cuz she is more demanding in her milk intake and despite my milk production has gradually increased, I have still not yet catch up with her demand yet! So breastfeeding her is such a long & tiring process...Without the constant encouragement and support from Dear, I would really want to give up and just give her formulae milk instead.

We need a good long sleep and I badly need a breather soon (coped in the house for the past 2 weeks which is considered a very long period for me liao ). How nice when we can just shut ourselves inside the room and just not bother about anything (but can we?)

That's the "duties" of new parents I guess.