Exchange-kid-for-(part of a) day

We are not exchanging OUR kids with other kids. My husb & I are merely "exchanging" our own kids with each other. As I mainly take care of the baby brother now and he with the elder daughter, we have planned a program for an exchange with each other for half a day mainly for me to have some mother-daughter bonding time with my girl. It turns out that my husb has his own getting-to-know session with his son & enhanced their bonding too!

Husb bought 2 tickets to Disney On Ice for our daughter to watch & gave me a chance to get out of the house and not only to breastfeed for a few hours! Most precious experience is I can have 100% attention & time on my girl. Initially I was worried that husb cannot cope with the baby & also myself misses the baby. But luckily he has a relatively smooth day with the baby & whereas for me, despite there are a few incidents that occurred, I m glad that I managed to resolve them swiftly! Being able to witness my girl's joy & excitement when she finally knew about the surprise is more priceless!

With this exchange, we both are able to get the thing we desire - he got his desired rest & chance to catch up on past tv shows while I get the freedom to go outside for a walk! Normally it's the opposite. He got to bring my girl out for classes & errands whereas I m cooped at home latching latching latching! Haha

At the end of the day, we both appreciate what we each other has been experiencing & being more appreciative of each other's efforts with each of the child. Most importantly we get to spend more time with the kid on a more balanced scale!

I love you Baby...

Maybe because you are the last baby that I plan to have, I cherish your baby moments more. And I cherish my last breastfeeding experience with you, no matter how tired I am, as it feels great that I am able to nurse my baby, anytime, anywhere. Being able to nurse own baby is like a gift ability bestowed from heaven. Although latching you day and night for numerous numbers of feeds (as you are a sleepy baby who always fall asleep on the breasts!), & it's taking a toll on me, I find it hard to stop breastfeeding you as all these will end by the time I return to work, and they are so treasurable moments with u! So I will endure all the hardships to continue this wonderful bonding time with you.

I can't love my baby enough... Always adore the moments when I cuddle you close to me, always love to hear you cry gently for my attention, and your need for me. I think, the more you depend on me, the more I need your demands. Sounds ironic huh? This is the first time I solely take care of the baby, from day to night. It seems like only I know your pattern well and I need to be there to make sure you are settled well. Gradually you seem to know how to communicate your needs to me thru your facial expressions. For eg you will pout when he don't get me to carry you and cry for me, and will settled down once I carry you in my arms. You will show me your tongue-licking look or open your mouth wide and turn towards my chest when you want me to nurse you. Haha. What a cheeky boy!

At 2 months of age, you started smiling & coo-ing & aah-ing at me, as if we are having a conversation and it's so interesting! I love talking to you in your language which you find it amusing that I seem to understand you!

You like to lie on my chest and I cuddle you and rock you to sleep. And you are like a koala bear clinging onto me while you sleep in peace... Wonderful!

I wonder how could I bear returning back to work in another 2+ months time?

Happy 1 month old Kayen!

Having experienced the first time, it is indeed less daunting to undergo the 2nd time handling a new baby. The cries are not that threatening & unbearable, the tiny figure does not feel that tiny when holding in your arms, & the routine settles in faster this time. Although I have to admit the first day return to home from the hospital is very messy & traumatic! At least to me. The first week is hard to pass by but eventually we went through it. Then the 2nd week gets better & more settled in.

I have this indescribable feeling about this baby since he was born. He seems so familiar when I call his name Kai Kai, yet so new to me. I had fallen in love with him since Day 1. And I especially like to cuddle his tiny little body closely in my arms, seeing him fall asleep... This kind of feelings don't seem to exist in my first time. Probably I was too overwhelmed & swarmed by being a first time parent that I was trying so hard to manage my emotions that time such that I didn't develop such love for Kayla at early stage.

I love the way Kai Kai bonds with me. He seems to be quite a mummy's boy. Hee Hee...

The Husb & I are always tickled by his funny facial gestures & actions, loving him in his special way.

His developments for the 1st month:
- able to turn his head from side to side
- caught some grins from him sometimes
- noticed his physical strength quite strong, since he is born. Always overpower us when we try to burp him.

Guilty

...towards Kayla, for not being able to spend as much time with her as before. For not being able to do craft work, activities with her as before. For not paying as much attention on her (in fact putting her priorities behind the baby) as before. For saying her when she is being purposely "defiant" towards what we said. For asking her to stay away from the baby as she is having a cough, & rejecting her good intentions of wanting to get to know the baby. For loving the bb more than Kayla. Rather, for not loving her as much as before. For focusing my thoughts & attention on the baby more than I would put Kayla on my mind. Even now I take photos more of the baby n nvr take photos of Kayla!

Guilty-conscious....

I hope I can improve the current mindset & situation eventually soon...