Exchange-kid-for-(part of a) day

We are not exchanging OUR kids with other kids. My husb & I are merely "exchanging" our own kids with each other. As I mainly take care of the baby brother now and he with the elder daughter, we have planned a program for an exchange with each other for half a day mainly for me to have some mother-daughter bonding time with my girl. It turns out that my husb has his own getting-to-know session with his son & enhanced their bonding too!

Husb bought 2 tickets to Disney On Ice for our daughter to watch & gave me a chance to get out of the house and not only to breastfeed for a few hours! Most precious experience is I can have 100% attention & time on my girl. Initially I was worried that husb cannot cope with the baby & also myself misses the baby. But luckily he has a relatively smooth day with the baby & whereas for me, despite there are a few incidents that occurred, I m glad that I managed to resolve them swiftly! Being able to witness my girl's joy & excitement when she finally knew about the surprise is more priceless!

With this exchange, we both are able to get the thing we desire - he got his desired rest & chance to catch up on past tv shows while I get the freedom to go outside for a walk! Normally it's the opposite. He got to bring my girl out for classes & errands whereas I m cooped at home latching latching latching! Haha

At the end of the day, we both appreciate what we each other has been experiencing & being more appreciative of each other's efforts with each of the child. Most importantly we get to spend more time with the kid on a more balanced scale!

I love you Baby...

Maybe because you are the last baby that I plan to have, I cherish your baby moments more. And I cherish my last breastfeeding experience with you, no matter how tired I am, as it feels great that I am able to nurse my baby, anytime, anywhere. Being able to nurse own baby is like a gift ability bestowed from heaven. Although latching you day and night for numerous numbers of feeds (as you are a sleepy baby who always fall asleep on the breasts!), & it's taking a toll on me, I find it hard to stop breastfeeding you as all these will end by the time I return to work, and they are so treasurable moments with u! So I will endure all the hardships to continue this wonderful bonding time with you.

I can't love my baby enough... Always adore the moments when I cuddle you close to me, always love to hear you cry gently for my attention, and your need for me. I think, the more you depend on me, the more I need your demands. Sounds ironic huh? This is the first time I solely take care of the baby, from day to night. It seems like only I know your pattern well and I need to be there to make sure you are settled well. Gradually you seem to know how to communicate your needs to me thru your facial expressions. For eg you will pout when he don't get me to carry you and cry for me, and will settled down once I carry you in my arms. You will show me your tongue-licking look or open your mouth wide and turn towards my chest when you want me to nurse you. Haha. What a cheeky boy!

At 2 months of age, you started smiling & coo-ing & aah-ing at me, as if we are having a conversation and it's so interesting! I love talking to you in your language which you find it amusing that I seem to understand you!

You like to lie on my chest and I cuddle you and rock you to sleep. And you are like a koala bear clinging onto me while you sleep in peace... Wonderful!

I wonder how could I bear returning back to work in another 2+ months time?

Happy 1 month old Kayen!

Having experienced the first time, it is indeed less daunting to undergo the 2nd time handling a new baby. The cries are not that threatening & unbearable, the tiny figure does not feel that tiny when holding in your arms, & the routine settles in faster this time. Although I have to admit the first day return to home from the hospital is very messy & traumatic! At least to me. The first week is hard to pass by but eventually we went through it. Then the 2nd week gets better & more settled in.

I have this indescribable feeling about this baby since he was born. He seems so familiar when I call his name Kai Kai, yet so new to me. I had fallen in love with him since Day 1. And I especially like to cuddle his tiny little body closely in my arms, seeing him fall asleep... This kind of feelings don't seem to exist in my first time. Probably I was too overwhelmed & swarmed by being a first time parent that I was trying so hard to manage my emotions that time such that I didn't develop such love for Kayla at early stage.

I love the way Kai Kai bonds with me. He seems to be quite a mummy's boy. Hee Hee...

The Husb & I are always tickled by his funny facial gestures & actions, loving him in his special way.

His developments for the 1st month:
- able to turn his head from side to side
- caught some grins from him sometimes
- noticed his physical strength quite strong, since he is born. Always overpower us when we try to burp him.

Guilty

...towards Kayla, for not being able to spend as much time with her as before. For not being able to do craft work, activities with her as before. For not paying as much attention on her (in fact putting her priorities behind the baby) as before. For saying her when she is being purposely "defiant" towards what we said. For asking her to stay away from the baby as she is having a cough, & rejecting her good intentions of wanting to get to know the baby. For loving the bb more than Kayla. Rather, for not loving her as much as before. For focusing my thoughts & attention on the baby more than I would put Kayla on my mind. Even now I take photos more of the baby n nvr take photos of Kayla!

Guilty-conscious....

I hope I can improve the current mindset & situation eventually soon...

23 Dec 2012: The birth story of Baby Kai Kai

23 Dec 2012:

- 3am: Felt Braxton Hicks contractions & after timing them, it's at 15 mins interval...until 4am... (Getting a bit worried if its false or real labour signs!). Told Husb about the contractions & I was googling to check how to differentiate between real vs false labour signs! But the pain so really painful when it comes!

- 4am: The intervals seem to have gotten shorter, at 5 mins each! Even the pain doesn't go away no matter I lie or walk about. The Husb knew THIS IS IT, & quickly activated my in laws to come over to look after Kayla while we quickly pack the last min stuffs - hp charger, camera, cord blood banking pack etc. Poor him had not even slept a wink on ynite & there he will have a long night to go... But Baby Kai Kai was smart enough to choose this day when his daddy is awake for us! If not normally he sleeps like a log! Haha!

I quickly prepared hot milo & bread to eat cuz I m hungry & wanted to energize myself before the labour. Even during eating I m still thinking, is it false alarm? Until the pain still keeps coming at every 5 mins and when I reach Thomson Medical Centre there were times I couldn't even walk cuz the pain was so acute, then I had convinced myself this is really coming...

5am: Admitted to TMC delivery ward & the initial check of dilation - Already 4cm!!!! No wonder I was having so much pain! I quickly requested for epidural cuz I know I won't last thru the whole labour pain without having the pain relief, no matter how short the labour process will be.

Sometimes the contractions came faster & more furious that I have to breathe the laughing mask so hard while I wait for the Anesthesian to arrive. Dr. Yvonne started me on low dosage of the epidural so that I will be able to push when it's near the delivery time. As the contractions went away during the time she poked the needle into my spine, then I realised it's so painful when the needle got inserted into my spine! I don't recall any of such pain in my previous delivery! I had to try so hard not to move cuz this is a critical movement.

After 5am: The pain in my tummy seems to be more tolerable after the epidural sets in, yet still have some feeling in my lower part of the body. Then gradually as the contractions fasten, I can feel the pain more & the pressure more at the V area. I quickly requested for a lil more dosage if not I am worried I may have the urge to push earlier than I can. Or rather I m worried about the pain during the pushing!

6am onwards: The dilation becomes faster & before I know it, it's already 8-9cm dilated. I know my gynae is coming ard 7.30am to check on me & deliver my baby but by the time the pressure at the V area gets so much more intense & the midwife checked & told me it seems to be showing & started me practicing on pushing.

After 7.45am: My gynae Dr Joycelyn Wing came in juz in time to deliver my baby. With 3-4 swift pushes, finally my baby is out ard 8am. I can feel the whole baby being slipped out of the birth canal! It's so amazing feeling! Luckily the dosage of the epidural is just right at the end of it that I can both feel the sensation yet nt the pain, including the stitching part.

The feeling of holding my baby in my hands is so indescribable that both me & my Husb cried when the baby is out. He is so small & such an adorable little one...

He is our Xmas gift from Heaven, arrive in time on 23 Dec 2012 to spend Xmas with us (& receive presents!)

Statistics of Baby Kai Kai:
- Weight: 3.07kg
- Length: 48cm

37 wks - As big as a Watermelon!

The tummy is as big (and as hard) as a Watermelon now!

Baby Kai Kai

Kai Kai - the name which we called affectionately for the past few months - seems to have caused great impact in our lives despite still inside the womb...

1) The 1st tri brown discharge scare
- Makes us cancel our Phuket trip ✈ last minute (think he doesn't want us to go without him) but also make us closer while we pray hard for his life
- The Husb gave up his smoking habit starting from then. A big change in his and our lives.

2) The 3rd tri brown discharge cum preterm labour scare
- Makes us cancel our maternity Photoshoot as I have to be on bed rest. (Maybe he wants to be in the Photoshoot!)
- The scare happened when my in laws have to be away for a wk's long holiday, makes us Realise we have to stay knitted and strong during this period of time when reliable help may not be available. And to appreciate each other's efforts more while we stretch our limits to survive this delicate period. We show more care & love as form of support for each other. And reflect more upon our actions in the treatment of the older kid when she threw tantrums in midst of our tiredness.
- I always complain that Husb never send me to work at my last difficult month of my last pregnancy & secretly hope that he can send me to work this time round. With this scare, he is finally spending that extra money to drive his OPC to send me to work. Maybe Kai Kai wants him to dote on mummy more. Hee...
- Because of this condition, my gynae gave me medical leave for the subsequent week to rest more & walk less. I am thankful for this as I Realise my body can't take it any longer beyond that 3 days in office clearing my work & doing handover. If not I would thought I could continue working till end of the year. I am grateful for a good rest now, in preparation for the big challenge (labour & taking care of the newborn) to come! And the early maternity leave that I have to take is actually good for me & my baby cuz less stressful for both of us.

Baby Kai Kai seems to have his special way of bonding the family as he works his magic inside me.

3rd Tri : Appreciative Thoughts

Due to my unstable condition & had to get bed rest as much as possible (or at least I can't walk too much), the Husb has to take care of Kayla by himself, run in and out of the house for errands by himself (or with Kayla). He gives me more hugs & gentle concern tender words more recently, that makes me feel more supported. I am really appreciative of his efforts he has put in for the family as I know he must be tired out from all the stress & running around. I feel so helpless not being able to help him. And I wish I quickly recover so that we can do things together as a couple, sharing the load together.

3rd Tri depression

I m feeling some signs of depression ever since I got admitted to hospital for emergency that day. My in laws will be on holiday this week, so no help available this wk. Next wk my gynae will be on holiday, so no gynae next week. Feeling kinda worried what if baby comes during these 2 wks? My work in office got disrupted & unsettled, causing one of my stress & helplessness. And with my wk's of bed rest & fatigue, I feel another sense of helplessness when I can't run my errands, & settle the unsettled work in preparation of the baby's arrival. I can't even go out & take a walk to relax myself. Practically No mood & physical energy to do anything. I just want to do nothing except to rest with my mind set at ease. I Duno why I m feeling that way. I m feeling both vexed, worried, unsettled yet have no mood & energy to do anything about it.

From babycenter:

Symptoms of depression could arise due to-

Problems with your pregnancy. A complicated or high-risk pregnancy can take an emotional toll, particularly if you're enduring weeks of bedrest or numerous genetic tests. (Women who are pregnant with twins or more often fall into this category.) The strain of having to endure difficult procedures combined with fear about your baby's well-being is often difficult to shoulder. Likewise, not being able to work or do other things you're used to doing makes it tougher to maintain your emotional balance.

I m quite worried I will bring my Prenatal depression into postnatal depression

Pre-labour alarm!

Sun 2 Dec 2012, 11.50pm - found that my panty liner got stained with brown spotting & got a scare! Woke Husb up & we decided to go to the hospital to check juz in case...

Initially thought its false alarm & can be discharged really soon, as I do not have any dilations or feel any contractions... Then they kept me under observation longer as the machine detected mild contractions. On the safe side, they gave me a pill to stop the contractions & an injection to boost the baby's lungs JUZ IN CASE he decides to pop out at 35th/36th wks! OMG! Pls don't... I was praying really hard inside my heart. I m not prepared yet. The logistics are not complete yet too!

My gynae came over & check my condition ard 4am. Inserted finger to check & realised there's still quite a bit of blood inside despite no dilation. So I have to be hospitalized till next day 12 noon. If still no signs of labour & no more blood then I can be discharged. Argh... I was expecting that I can go home real soon but it's taking longer & longer than expected. My gynae says her worries are not unfounded cuz she has/is delivering a few patients who have same due date as me! So they are all delivering ard 35th/36th wks already! That gets me more worried what would happen if I really have to deliver so early? My office work has not been hand-overed yet & I feel uneasy thinking of that alone. Plus my in laws are going for a week's holiday Tml!!! Who can help me with my confinement & Kayla when they are away? A lot of worries & questions running thru my mind & I can't do anything but pray things can go smoothly...

Now I m getting "Pre-exercise" routine of hearing all the newborns' crying at the nursery room... Makes me Realise that very soon (Duno how soon) I will be facing that...

With an elder kid at home, the Husb has to go home to relieve my in laws who were helping to jaga her when we came to hospital while I stay in the ward myself. Realised I have been more independent as the need arises... Well, we just have to grow as we go along the journey of parenthood...

I hope labour will not start so early & I can still enjoy my Xmas & New Year's Eve in peace...

My 2nd Pregnancy

Planned to have a Dragon baby before the Snake year comes, as Kayla is turning 3 years old in the year of Dragon. We started trying late 2011 but there had been no good news for the first 4 months of trying. Gotten dismayed whenever I tried using the ovulation calendar, ovulation test strips, then anxiously using the pregnancy test strip to test for the results - cuz' it all shows "negative".

When I finally got fed up and decided to stop using the ovulation test strips (yet still knowing my ovulation cycle at the back of my mind), a surprise came when I tested on 27 Apr 2012 (the day which I should have my menses). In the morning, the pregnancy test strip didn't show any positive signs and I was disappointed that it didn't happen again, and time is running out as this is the 2nd last month which I could try for a Dragon baby! Then at night when I returned from work, I realised that the test strip shows a faint pink line, meaning it's POSITIVE! I am glad that I did not throw away the test strip immediately and a miracle results show! We were both excited!

Went to the doc on 30 Apr 2012 to do another pregnancy test in order to confirm the results. Waiting excitedly for the results and oh my! We were so happy when it's confirmed. Yeh! We did it! The EDD is 2 Jan 2013. Hope it will be a New Year baby as I prefer January babies to Dec babies, and also less competitive when enrolling the kid in school next time. (*praying hard in the heart and mind*)

• Symptoms felt for this pregnancy:

- Swollen breasts and nipples
- Easily giddy
- Gets hot flushes and chills intermittently
- Mild tummy cramps
- Cravings: Prefer tea to coffee, sudden liking for sweet & junk food

First time had brown spotting during first trimester (ard 6 wks). I was so worried when it became dark red on the very night. It didn't stop. I could have over-exerted myself when I ran up and down the stairs in the office. Walked in to see my gynae the very next day, and waited for very long before it's my turn. The gynae gave me a hormone jab and prescribed hormone pills to stabilise the pregnancy and the situation. Gotten jittery and worried as I pray this pregnancy to be smooth & stable.

• Weight Tracker:

Mummy's weight @ 8 wks: 58.8kg
Mummy's weight @ [final wk] : To be determined.

Trying not to gain too much weight like the first pregnancy, but hard to attain as I have a growing appetite when I reach 2nd trimester! Cravings for sweets, chocolates, ice creams (desserts stuffs), chips (junk food) which I seldom touch before this pregnancy. Hmm..seems like this baby prefer sweet food!

• Feeling Good!

Generally feel quite comfortable during 2nd trimester. Seem not to have swell like the first pregnancy. And this baby is quite cooperative! More awake and kicking during breakfast, lunch & stimes dinner time. Then asleep together with me during night time haha... I hope the baby can be as cooperative after he is born!

My tummy is more pointed than round. And I can eat and sleep quite well. So naturally I feel good!

1st tri scan:

2nd tri scan:

Kayla Jie Jie first time seeing baby at the gynae clinic! & heard the baby's throbbing heart beat sound!

When Dr Wong asked if she wants didi or meimei, she said didi. During the scan the gynae almost wanted to say its a girl when she checked there's nothing visible & I was ready for the verdict. Then she went "wait wait... I see something..." that's when she detected the organ of a baby BOY!

Gosh I was half laughing & trembling due to the cold Aircon. It was like 'my wish came true! God is good to me!' I secretly wished for completeness & he granted my wish! Hope the baby boy will be as good as her Jie Jie!

Took a memoir pic with the gynae 3 yrs after she delivered Kayla!

Kayla's prediction before the 5th month detailed scan:

Results of the Detailed scan!

3 Sep 2012:
Finally the Husb felt & witnessed the lil boy's movents ynite when he was busy bloping up & down! Haha. The Husb was smiling so happily... He must have missed those precious moments! Initially I thought he may not be so eager to look fwd to such moments from Tis boy, cux firstly he has to spend more time with the older one during sleep time and tts when the baby is slightly more active. And secondly he may not have the patience & time to wait for the little waves since he is busy with the older one. Thirdly I thought he may have less preference towards boy...Well he has proven me wrong when I see the beam on his face when he brightens up upon feeling the movements!

• At 25th wks scan: We saw the baby yawning! How funny the sight is! Simply endearing

7 Nov 2012:

I put Kayla's hand on my tummy and she felt Baby Kai Kai's Hi-5 kick for the first time! I told Baby Kai Kai that is Kayla jie jie. Then she also felt the wobbles too and found it interesting and funny! An amazing moment for the 3 of us.

The Toddler Kayla: 20 - 21 months

• It's About Food!

- Tried prawns & hotdog for the first time.
- Loves cheese!! But started to pick on food (removed the cheese from the bread & only eat the cheese)
- Tried new food receipes by mummy!
   ~ Tau pok filled with minced meat filings
   ~ Kway teow mee fish ball soup
   ~ Mixed veg & sausage cheese pasta
  
      ~ Yong Tau Foo Kway teow soup

• Its about Talking! (and Singing!)

- Able to sing "Happy Birthday" song, "泥娃娃", "Muffin Man", "Twinkle Twinkle Little stars" and some songs from her Kindermusik class
- Able to tell us a more structured sentence but with simple short phrases. Overall we can understand at least 60% of what she is trying to tell us what had happened when we were not around.
- Able to use demostratives like "this, that, there, here" , adjectives like "front,back", pronouns like "yours,mine"
- Learnt to be well mannered girl by saying words like "thank you Mama", "goodnight Mama", "please" by her own initiatives.
- Knows how to say "help! Mama help!" when required
- Cheeky girl likes to imitate what we normally call each other. Eg I call my husb "dear" & she will also go "dear...." like me.

• Its about Achievements!

- Learning to drink from cup by herself

- Able to feed herself more steadily

- Started to feed her stuffed toys

- Likes being helpful! Especially in putting her own clothes in the tub for washing, and throwing rubbish into the dustbin, helping to carry things for us!

• Its about Outings!

- 1st time at Jacob Ballas Gardens @ Botanical Gardens. She dun really like the outdoors apparently. Kept wanting to be carried!

The Toddler Kayla: 18 - 19 months

18-19 mths:

• Learnt to identify Number 8!
• Counting "1-10" in mandarin
• Climbing staircase independently, while holding on the side rails
• Identify "hair", "head", "eyes", "mouth", "ear", "nose", "face" and can say all them out as she points to each part
• Able to identify diaper and call it "per"
• Remembered objects like "cow","rab(bit)", "dog" n can say them out
• Likes to identify our clothes n goes "Papa clothe, Mama clothe, etc"
• Knows how to say ＂洗手＂while imitating the action of washing hands
• Knows how to say her own name
• Construct simple 2 to 3 words sentence. Eg, uncle-no more, mama bye bye, gd-nite
• Likes to "choreograph" her own dance steps n choose her own dancing music from the music DJ toy. Her dance steps involve twirling round n round and with one hand up in the air, tapping double feet, clapping... Really comical sight!
• Learning simple Cantonese nursery rhymes thru her grandparents!
• Likes to make funny faces & actions!

• Finishing an Alphabet & a Disney Character wooden puzzle by herself! Including matching the right letters/characters n putting them in! Proud of my girl!

The Toddler Kayla: 17 - 18 months

17-18 mth:

• Her 14th & 15th teeth sprouted out. With more big teeth forming, we decided to start her on rice (with soup) diet & she love it!! Keep giving me the thumbs-up! I always feel very encouraged by her!
• Also started her more on solid food and outside food (e.g. Ramen noodles, vermicelli)
  
• Continues with her numbers counting "6, 7, 8, 9 & 10"!
• Likes to sing & hum along with the songs/ with me!
• Always love to mimic the last word of either a song or a sentence or key words from the books.
• Able to match most of the Disney characters wood puzzles yet not quite able to piece it properly.
  

At the 18th month mark, there comes a very tricky issue that I still cannot make up my mind. That is... Potty vs Child toilet seat!

I have started receiving information from those child development newsletter that at 18th month, we should start to let the child be exposed to the Potty! Our hesitation to get a Potty is due to factors such as:

• Not sure if it will be an white elephant item as not sure if she is willing to try to use the Potty!
• Hygiene reasons. We find it cleaner and more hygienic using the child toilet seat which we have already installed in our master bedroom toilet le.
  

However, I read and heard that its easier for them to start using a Potty as it is not as high as using a Child toilet seat, so its less daunting for them, and they may be more wiling to try.. Is that true?

I really have to decide soon so as not to delay her potty training which is important milestone from now onwards!

Kayla's events in the first month of year 2011!

• Leap School House's trial enrichment class

Well, generally she was pretty "introverted" at first and shy away from the teachers when she was first brought to the school and classroom. I think its due to unfamiliar environment and she normally don't get in touch with new people often. Gradually she warms up and get less shy. However she still don't get very involved with the class lessons. Probably also she's new to the class curriculum. The curriculum in that 1.5 hour time involves: free play time (which I tink its a waste of 15 mins of time & the school fees!), gym time (she is quite dainty and not really got active. However she got to try the balancing bridge, which is something new to her!), story telling (she kept walking around the class kpo-ing around.. ), songs time (she prefers this to the other types), science and exploration time, (not really sure if she's listening or understanding?), art & craft time (her face went "eek" when the teacher dipped her finger into the paint to do finger painting. So did the father! haha... It was a hilarious sight! There was no proper attire for the kids before they do the painting, so I was worried that she would dirty her dress, which she did. So I think its abit not well-planned by the school.)

After going thru the trial class, we decide that at this stage, she still prefer music type of classes and she would enjoy better at there. And also, its still early to expose her to such wide variety kind of enrichment class style. We still prefer the focus type of enrichment class. Hope her kindermusik class in the new term will be confirmed soon!

Photos from the lesson:

The avid reader, as usual, attracted to the bookshelves of books!

Music time in the class

Gym time!

• Her first time eating Ramen (on her 18th month!) ~Yummy~

Training her to get used to Japanese food before our Tokyo trip in March!

When all things fail...

When all things fail... I realize the most important person that matter to me at that moment is Her. My baby.

It doesn't matter that I m upset, angry or mad beyond words. When I touch her, it doesn't matter anymore.

She is the most important matter in my life. Forever.

The Toddler Kayla: 14-15 mths old

Kayla's progress from 14-15mth old:

Motor Skills Development:
- Walk! Taken More n more steps each day

Even got her new walking shoes!

- Holding her own bottle toward n away from her mouth
- Learning to take her own spoon n put food into her mouth
- Sipping water using a straw

- Digging nose!

- Dance and move her body whenever she watches Mickey Mouse & Friends cartoon, TV commercials that have music

Linguistic Skills Development:

- Makes different kinds of sounds with her mouth
- Imitate simple actions of nursery songs tt were shown to her previously
- Imitate sounds of some animals (e.g. cat, dog, elephant, lion)
- Learnt new simple words from nursery sings (eg the 'Beep beep beep' from The Wheels on the Bus song)
- Saying the word "Babies" very clearly

Other Developments:
- Throw tantrums & throw up her arms when in frustrations & can argue back in her own baby language!
- Able to recognize it's herself in d mirror reflection
- At 15 mth old, she suddenly have fake measles that gave her fluctuating fever for 3 days then break out in red spots all over her body... Poor girl...
- Yam Seng with her milk bottle!

A mother who just want to be a better mom

All mothers are to be caregivers, aren't they? Unfortunately, I m not one mother who is deemed as a caregiver to her.

When she is in distress, she looks for her dad. When she is not feeling well, she looks for her dad. When she is feeling sleepy, she looks for her dad. I m nit her first choice. Or rather, I m not her choice.

I am more of her playmate cum story teller as she prefers me when of such nature.

I have tried and still is trying...to be her main caregiver, to be her first choice of need whenever she needs the comfort. This is the kind of mother I always wanted to be and aspired to be. A Great mother I always wanted to be n nothing else. But somehow things fall into pieces n doesn't seem the way wat I hope to be. Nobody can understand the dejections I went thru, the demoralized feelings I went thru when I got rejected by my own child, and when I have to b as a standby/backup to my husband. I tried to comfort her n carry her when she fell down in restricted premises ( kitchen) but she screams at me! Maybe thinking I m there to obstruct her again. I mean no harm but yet I m always the bad person in her eyes?or m I over sensitive? Some may perceived me to be petty who dun understand putting the child's interest in front and above of anyone else, including setting aside these selfish n unnecessary thoughts? Is it really I dun understand this simple logic as a parent or m I too absorbed in my own feelings or have I been demoralized and dejected so much so that I simply can't bury them as they keep evolving in me?

Do someone can really understand how I feel and not judge me as a selfish parent? I give my all to my girl, I tried my best and I wan to do more in showering her with love and warmth, am I wrong? Am I wrong to ask to do more but yet I dun have the priviledge of bring wanted in the end?

If no one can understand, I can't blame them. Cuz they may nt b in same shoes as myself. They may d ones on d other end whereby the kid sticks to them like superglue. That's when I wun understand their side of woes.

This issue has been existing since she was born till now she is more than a yr old. I duno how long and how hard do I need to try before I get to be a caregiver mother which I always wanted to be one.

The Toddler Kayla: 13 - 14 months old

My dear girl, at her 13 - 14th months old, has the below developments:

• Learn to stand without support for few secs
• Taking 2 walking steps without support
• Learn to squat
  

• Learning abt cause & effect from her certain actions

• Learn to sway n wriggle body when listen to music
• Learn to say "No! No!" & waves her hand to signal "No!"
• Learn to say "Dun wan" & waves her hand to signal 'dun wan"
• Signals 'thumbs up'  when things are gd!
• Have her own favourites & dislikes towards people, toys, books & food
  
• Learn to hold her own little book

• Learning to wear & take off the socks & shoes
• Doing 'ssh' with a finger on her lip (or nose rather)
• Climbing down from sofa, stimes attempting from bed too!
• Pat pat her chest & say 怕怕!
• Sayang her own body parts (e.g. head) whenever she hurts herself
• Learn to bring the milk bottle away & toward her mouth
• Likes to waves "Hi" and "bye bye" (and says "bye bye") to people on the streets, in the shops, in the restaurants, in the lifts etc...
• Learns to call "Aunty" (the maid), and Ah Ma (her maternal grandmother)

For the next 2 months, I have planned to teach her:

• Drink water from spout 
• Self-spoon feeding

I know it will be a very messy and high-patience activity, and I hope she will be cooperative and can master them.

On the character developing side, Kayla has been throwing really bad tantrums lately. And she is extremely "bullish"! (very stubborn). Very insistent of getting what she wants. And she is very "fierce" in holding on during fights! That was once she grabbed my hair really tightly when I blocked her access to the tissue box. No matter how hard I hit her backside and warn her to let go in a very stern voice, she still hold on to my hair very firmly and do not intend to back off! Yet I can't pull back cuz its my precious hair in jeopardy leh!!!

I hope along the way, we as her parents can teach her well and she will not grow up to be violent, or become a tantrum-throwing girl. This educating and disciplining path is going to be very challenging for us....

Some photos of her weekends with us!

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@ NTUC Income Kite Festival 2010