Happy 1 month old Kayen!

Having experienced the first time, it is indeed less daunting to undergo the 2nd time handling a new baby. The cries are not that threatening & unbearable, the tiny figure does not feel that tiny when holding in your arms, & the routine settles in faster this time. Although I have to admit the first day return to home from the hospital is very messy & traumatic! At least to me. The first week is hard to pass by but eventually we went through it. Then the 2nd week gets better & more settled in.

I have this indescribable feeling about this baby since he was born. He seems so familiar when I call his name Kai Kai, yet so new to me. I had fallen in love with him since Day 1. And I especially like to cuddle his tiny little body closely in my arms, seeing him fall asleep... This kind of feelings don't seem to exist in my first time. Probably I was too overwhelmed & swarmed by being a first time parent that I was trying so hard to manage my emotions that time such that I didn't develop such love for Kayla at early stage.

I love the way Kai Kai bonds with me. He seems to be quite a mummy's boy. Hee Hee...

The Husb & I are always tickled by his funny facial gestures & actions, loving him in his special way.

His developments for the 1st month:
- able to turn his head from side to side
- caught some grins from him sometimes
- noticed his physical strength quite strong, since he is born. Always overpower us when we try to burp him.

Guilty

...towards Kayla, for not being able to spend as much time with her as before. For not being able to do craft work, activities with her as before. For not paying as much attention on her (in fact putting her priorities behind the baby) as before. For saying her when she is being purposely "defiant" towards what we said. For asking her to stay away from the baby as she is having a cough, & rejecting her good intentions of wanting to get to know the baby. For loving the bb more than Kayla. Rather, for not loving her as much as before. For focusing my thoughts & attention on the baby more than I would put Kayla on my mind. Even now I take photos more of the baby n nvr take photos of Kayla!

Guilty-conscious....

I hope I can improve the current mindset & situation eventually soon...

I HATE confinement period!

Yes I always hated the confinement period, no matter at which seasons of the year & no matter if the weather is more cooling at year end now (well, it does make a little difference cuz at least I have cooling wind from the outside but yet in contradiction I have to always close the window so as not to expose to the wind ai much! Duh!)

I hate the hot & cold rushes through my body. I hate the frustrations of being hot, sweaty & dirty all the time! I hate soaking my clothes one after another despite after bathing (in that hot herbal water). I hate the hot rashes that appear on my body making me itchy & irritated! I hate the frustrations of not getting enough breast milk in the beginning yet when it comes in, I have to be mindful that the breasts don't clog!

I hate the night feeds whereby we have to drag our tired & exhausted bodies up. I hate that we have endless chores to do yet I cannot really so-called touch the water (I take it a break from the chore of washing the bottles Hee)

I hate the fact that I kept perspiring when I drink & eat the confinement food. And that I cannot eat the things I like or I want.

I hate being CONFINED!

.... But I am thankful for the strong support from my dearest Husb who is always there to do the chores for me & give me moral & physical support. And the love he showers me... I feel the closeness enhanced in this period. We are like a team who work with each other to get missions accomplished. And of cuz my mil who went thru a lot of efforts to prepare & cook confinement meals for me.

I will hang on, with the support of my loved ones...

3 more wks to go... Argh...

23 Dec 2012: The birth story of Baby Kai Kai

23 Dec 2012:

- 3am: Felt Braxton Hicks contractions & after timing them, it's at 15 mins interval...until 4am... (Getting a bit worried if its false or real labour signs!). Told Husb about the contractions & I was googling to check how to differentiate between real vs false labour signs! But the pain so really painful when it comes!

- 4am: The intervals seem to have gotten shorter, at 5 mins each! Even the pain doesn't go away no matter I lie or walk about. The Husb knew THIS IS IT, & quickly activated my in laws to come over to look after Kayla while we quickly pack the last min stuffs - hp charger, camera, cord blood banking pack etc. Poor him had not even slept a wink on ynite & there he will have a long night to go... But Baby Kai Kai was smart enough to choose this day when his daddy is awake for us! If not normally he sleeps like a log! Haha!

I quickly prepared hot milo & bread to eat cuz I m hungry & wanted to energize myself before the labour. Even during eating I m still thinking, is it false alarm? Until the pain still keeps coming at every 5 mins and when I reach Thomson Medical Centre there were times I couldn't even walk cuz the pain was so acute, then I had convinced myself this is really coming...

5am: Admitted to TMC delivery ward & the initial check of dilation - Already 4cm!!!! No wonder I was having so much pain! I quickly requested for epidural cuz I know I won't last thru the whole labour pain without having the pain relief, no matter how short the labour process will be.

Sometimes the contractions came faster & more furious that I have to breathe the laughing mask so hard while I wait for the Anesthesian to arrive. Dr. Yvonne started me on low dosage of the epidural so that I will be able to push when it's near the delivery time. As the contractions went away during the time she poked the needle into my spine, then I realised it's so painful when the needle got inserted into my spine! I don't recall any of such pain in my previous delivery! I had to try so hard not to move cuz this is a critical movement.

After 5am: The pain in my tummy seems to be more tolerable after the epidural sets in, yet still have some feeling in my lower part of the body. Then gradually as the contractions fasten, I can feel the pain more & the pressure more at the V area. I quickly requested for a lil more dosage if not I am worried I may have the urge to push earlier than I can. Or rather I m worried about the pain during the pushing!

6am onwards: The dilation becomes faster & before I know it, it's already 8-9cm dilated. I know my gynae is coming ard 7.30am to check on me & deliver my baby but by the time the pressure at the V area gets so much more intense & the midwife checked & told me it seems to be showing & started me practicing on pushing.

After 7.45am: My gynae Dr Joycelyn Wing came in juz in time to deliver my baby. With 3-4 swift pushes, finally my baby is out ard 8am. I can feel the whole baby being slipped out of the birth canal! It's so amazing feeling! Luckily the dosage of the epidural is just right at the end of it that I can both feel the sensation yet nt the pain, including the stitching part.

The feeling of holding my baby in my hands is so indescribable that both me & my Husb cried when the baby is out. He is so small & such an adorable little one...

He is our Xmas gift from Heaven, arrive in time on 23 Dec 2012 to spend Xmas with us (& receive presents!)

Statistics of Baby Kai Kai:
- Weight: 3.07kg
- Length: 48cm

37 wks - As big as a Watermelon!

The tummy is as big (and as hard) as a Watermelon now!

Baby Kai Kai

Kai Kai - the name which we called affectionately for the past few months - seems to have caused great impact in our lives despite still inside the womb...

1) The 1st tri brown discharge scare
- Makes us cancel our Phuket trip ✈ last minute (think he doesn't want us to go without him) but also make us closer while we pray hard for his life
- The Husb gave up his smoking habit starting from then. A big change in his and our lives.

2) The 3rd tri brown discharge cum preterm labour scare
- Makes us cancel our maternity Photoshoot as I have to be on bed rest. (Maybe he wants to be in the Photoshoot!)
- The scare happened when my in laws have to be away for a wk's long holiday, makes us Realise we have to stay knitted and strong during this period of time when reliable help may not be available. And to appreciate each other's efforts more while we stretch our limits to survive this delicate period. We show more care & love as form of support for each other. And reflect more upon our actions in the treatment of the older kid when she threw tantrums in midst of our tiredness.
- I always complain that Husb never send me to work at my last difficult month of my last pregnancy & secretly hope that he can send me to work this time round. With this scare, he is finally spending that extra money to drive his OPC to send me to work. Maybe Kai Kai wants him to dote on mummy more. Hee...
- Because of this condition, my gynae gave me medical leave for the subsequent week to rest more & walk less. I am thankful for this as I Realise my body can't take it any longer beyond that 3 days in office clearing my work & doing handover. If not I would thought I could continue working till end of the year. I am grateful for a good rest now, in preparation for the big challenge (labour & taking care of the newborn) to come! And the early maternity leave that I have to take is actually good for me & my baby cuz less stressful for both of us.

Baby Kai Kai seems to have his special way of bonding the family as he works his magic inside me.

3rd Tri : Appreciative Thoughts

Due to my unstable condition & had to get bed rest as much as possible (or at least I can't walk too much), the Husb has to take care of Kayla by himself, run in and out of the house for errands by himself (or with Kayla). He gives me more hugs & gentle concern tender words more recently, that makes me feel more supported. I am really appreciative of his efforts he has put in for the family as I know he must be tired out from all the stress & running around. I feel so helpless not being able to help him. And I wish I quickly recover so that we can do things together as a couple, sharing the load together.