A mother who just want to be a better mom

All mothers are to be caregivers, aren't they? Unfortunately, I m not one mother who is deemed as a caregiver to her.

When she is in distress, she looks for her dad. When she is not feeling well, she looks for her dad. When she is feeling sleepy, she looks for her dad. I m nit her first choice. Or rather, I m not her choice.

I am more of her playmate cum story teller as she prefers me when of such nature.

I have tried and still is trying...to be her main caregiver, to be her first choice of need whenever she needs the comfort. This is the kind of mother I always wanted to be and aspired to be. A Great mother I always wanted to be n nothing else. But somehow things fall into pieces n doesn't seem the way wat I hope to be. Nobody can understand the dejections I went thru, the demoralized feelings I went thru when I got rejected by my own child, and when I have to b as a standby/backup to my husband. I tried to comfort her n carry her when she fell down in restricted premises ( kitchen) but she screams at me! Maybe thinking I m there to obstruct her again. I mean no harm but yet I m always the bad person in her eyes?or m I over sensitive? Some may perceived me to be petty who dun understand putting the child's interest in front and above of anyone else, including setting aside these selfish n unnecessary thoughts? Is it really I dun understand this simple logic as a parent or m I too absorbed in my own feelings or have I been demoralized and dejected so much so that I simply can't bury them as they keep evolving in me?

Do someone can really understand how I feel and not judge me as a selfish parent? I give my all to my girl, I tried my best and I wan to do more in showering her with love and warmth, am I wrong? Am I wrong to ask to do more but yet I dun have the priviledge of bring wanted in the end?

If no one can understand, I can't blame them. Cuz they may nt b in same shoes as myself. They may d ones on d other end whereby the kid sticks to them like superglue. That's when I wun understand their side of woes.

This issue has been existing since she was born till now she is more than a yr old. I duno how long and how hard do I need to try before I get to be a caregiver mother which I always wanted to be one.