Exchange-kid-for-(part of a) day

We are not exchanging OUR kids with other kids. My husb & I are merely "exchanging" our own kids with each other. As I mainly take care of the baby brother now and he with the elder daughter, we have planned a program for an exchange with each other for half a day mainly for me to have some mother-daughter bonding time with my girl. It turns out that my husb has his own getting-to-know session with his son & enhanced their bonding too!

Husb bought 2 tickets to Disney On Ice for our daughter to watch & gave me a chance to get out of the house and not only to breastfeed for a few hours! Most precious experience is I can have 100% attention & time on my girl. Initially I was worried that husb cannot cope with the baby & also myself misses the baby. But luckily he has a relatively smooth day with the baby & whereas for me, despite there are a few incidents that occurred, I m glad that I managed to resolve them swiftly! Being able to witness my girl's joy & excitement when she finally knew about the surprise is more priceless!

With this exchange, we both are able to get the thing we desire - he got his desired rest & chance to catch up on past tv shows while I get the freedom to go outside for a walk! Normally it's the opposite. He got to bring my girl out for classes & errands whereas I m cooped at home latching latching latching! Haha

At the end of the day, we both appreciate what we each other has been experiencing & being more appreciative of each other's efforts with each of the child. Most importantly we get to spend more time with the kid on a more balanced scale!

I love you Baby...

Maybe because you are the last baby that I plan to have, I cherish your baby moments more. And I cherish my last breastfeeding experience with you, no matter how tired I am, as it feels great that I am able to nurse my baby, anytime, anywhere. Being able to nurse own baby is like a gift ability bestowed from heaven. Although latching you day and night for numerous numbers of feeds (as you are a sleepy baby who always fall asleep on the breasts!), & it's taking a toll on me, I find it hard to stop breastfeeding you as all these will end by the time I return to work, and they are so treasurable moments with u! So I will endure all the hardships to continue this wonderful bonding time with you.

I can't love my baby enough... Always adore the moments when I cuddle you close to me, always love to hear you cry gently for my attention, and your need for me. I think, the more you depend on me, the more I need your demands. Sounds ironic huh? This is the first time I solely take care of the baby, from day to night. It seems like only I know your pattern well and I need to be there to make sure you are settled well. Gradually you seem to know how to communicate your needs to me thru your facial expressions. For eg you will pout when he don't get me to carry you and cry for me, and will settled down once I carry you in my arms. You will show me your tongue-licking look or open your mouth wide and turn towards my chest when you want me to nurse you. Haha. What a cheeky boy!

At 2 months of age, you started smiling & coo-ing & aah-ing at me, as if we are having a conversation and it's so interesting! I love talking to you in your language which you find it amusing that I seem to understand you!

You like to lie on my chest and I cuddle you and rock you to sleep. And you are like a koala bear clinging onto me while you sleep in peace... Wonderful!

I wonder how could I bear returning back to work in another 2+ months time?

Happy 1 month old Kayen!

Having experienced the first time, it is indeed less daunting to undergo the 2nd time handling a new baby. The cries are not that threatening & unbearable, the tiny figure does not feel that tiny when holding in your arms, & the routine settles in faster this time. Although I have to admit the first day return to home from the hospital is very messy & traumatic! At least to me. The first week is hard to pass by but eventually we went through it. Then the 2nd week gets better & more settled in.

I have this indescribable feeling about this baby since he was born. He seems so familiar when I call his name Kai Kai, yet so new to me. I had fallen in love with him since Day 1. And I especially like to cuddle his tiny little body closely in my arms, seeing him fall asleep... This kind of feelings don't seem to exist in my first time. Probably I was too overwhelmed & swarmed by being a first time parent that I was trying so hard to manage my emotions that time such that I didn't develop such love for Kayla at early stage.

I love the way Kai Kai bonds with me. He seems to be quite a mummy's boy. Hee Hee...

The Husb & I are always tickled by his funny facial gestures & actions, loving him in his special way.

His developments for the 1st month:
- able to turn his head from side to side
- caught some grins from him sometimes
- noticed his physical strength quite strong, since he is born. Always overpower us when we try to burp him.

Guilty

...towards Kayla, for not being able to spend as much time with her as before. For not being able to do craft work, activities with her as before. For not paying as much attention on her (in fact putting her priorities behind the baby) as before. For saying her when she is being purposely "defiant" towards what we said. For asking her to stay away from the baby as she is having a cough, & rejecting her good intentions of wanting to get to know the baby. For loving the bb more than Kayla. Rather, for not loving her as much as before. For focusing my thoughts & attention on the baby more than I would put Kayla on my mind. Even now I take photos more of the baby n nvr take photos of Kayla!

Guilty-conscious....

I hope I can improve the current mindset & situation eventually soon...

I HATE confinement period!

Yes I always hated the confinement period, no matter at which seasons of the year & no matter if the weather is more cooling at year end now (well, it does make a little difference cuz at least I have cooling wind from the outside but yet in contradiction I have to always close the window so as not to expose to the wind ai much! Duh!)

I hate the hot & cold rushes through my body. I hate the frustrations of being hot, sweaty & dirty all the time! I hate soaking my clothes one after another despite after bathing (in that hot herbal water). I hate the hot rashes that appear on my body making me itchy & irritated! I hate the frustrations of not getting enough breast milk in the beginning yet when it comes in, I have to be mindful that the breasts don't clog!

I hate the night feeds whereby we have to drag our tired & exhausted bodies up. I hate that we have endless chores to do yet I cannot really so-called touch the water (I take it a break from the chore of washing the bottles Hee)

I hate the fact that I kept perspiring when I drink & eat the confinement food. And that I cannot eat the things I like or I want.

I hate being CONFINED!

.... But I am thankful for the strong support from my dearest Husb who is always there to do the chores for me & give me moral & physical support. And the love he showers me... I feel the closeness enhanced in this period. We are like a team who work with each other to get missions accomplished. And of cuz my mil who went thru a lot of efforts to prepare & cook confinement meals for me.

I will hang on, with the support of my loved ones...

3 more wks to go... Argh...

23 Dec 2012: The birth story of Baby Kai Kai

23 Dec 2012:

- 3am: Felt Braxton Hicks contractions & after timing them, it's at 15 mins interval...until 4am... (Getting a bit worried if its false or real labour signs!). Told Husb about the contractions & I was googling to check how to differentiate between real vs false labour signs! But the pain so really painful when it comes!

- 4am: The intervals seem to have gotten shorter, at 5 mins each! Even the pain doesn't go away no matter I lie or walk about. The Husb knew THIS IS IT, & quickly activated my in laws to come over to look after Kayla while we quickly pack the last min stuffs - hp charger, camera, cord blood banking pack etc. Poor him had not even slept a wink on ynite & there he will have a long night to go... But Baby Kai Kai was smart enough to choose this day when his daddy is awake for us! If not normally he sleeps like a log! Haha!

I quickly prepared hot milo & bread to eat cuz I m hungry & wanted to energize myself before the labour. Even during eating I m still thinking, is it false alarm? Until the pain still keeps coming at every 5 mins and when I reach Thomson Medical Centre there were times I couldn't even walk cuz the pain was so acute, then I had convinced myself this is really coming...

5am: Admitted to TMC delivery ward & the initial check of dilation - Already 4cm!!!! No wonder I was having so much pain! I quickly requested for epidural cuz I know I won't last thru the whole labour pain without having the pain relief, no matter how short the labour process will be.

Sometimes the contractions came faster & more furious that I have to breathe the laughing mask so hard while I wait for the Anesthesian to arrive. Dr. Yvonne started me on low dosage of the epidural so that I will be able to push when it's near the delivery time. As the contractions went away during the time she poked the needle into my spine, then I realised it's so painful when the needle got inserted into my spine! I don't recall any of such pain in my previous delivery! I had to try so hard not to move cuz this is a critical movement.

After 5am: The pain in my tummy seems to be more tolerable after the epidural sets in, yet still have some feeling in my lower part of the body. Then gradually as the contractions fasten, I can feel the pain more & the pressure more at the V area. I quickly requested for a lil more dosage if not I am worried I may have the urge to push earlier than I can. Or rather I m worried about the pain during the pushing!

6am onwards: The dilation becomes faster & before I know it, it's already 8-9cm dilated. I know my gynae is coming ard 7.30am to check on me & deliver my baby but by the time the pressure at the V area gets so much more intense & the midwife checked & told me it seems to be showing & started me practicing on pushing.

After 7.45am: My gynae Dr Joycelyn Wing came in juz in time to deliver my baby. With 3-4 swift pushes, finally my baby is out ard 8am. I can feel the whole baby being slipped out of the birth canal! It's so amazing feeling! Luckily the dosage of the epidural is just right at the end of it that I can both feel the sensation yet nt the pain, including the stitching part.

The feeling of holding my baby in my hands is so indescribable that both me & my Husb cried when the baby is out. He is so small & such an adorable little one...

He is our Xmas gift from Heaven, arrive in time on 23 Dec 2012 to spend Xmas with us (& receive presents!)

Statistics of Baby Kai Kai:
- Weight: 3.07kg
- Length: 48cm

37 wks - As big as a Watermelon!

The tummy is as big (and as hard) as a Watermelon now!

Baby Kai Kai

Kai Kai - the name which we called affectionately for the past few months - seems to have caused great impact in our lives despite still inside the womb...

1) The 1st tri brown discharge scare
- Makes us cancel our Phuket trip ✈ last minute (think he doesn't want us to go without him) but also make us closer while we pray hard for his life
- The Husb gave up his smoking habit starting from then. A big change in his and our lives.

2) The 3rd tri brown discharge cum preterm labour scare
- Makes us cancel our maternity Photoshoot as I have to be on bed rest. (Maybe he wants to be in the Photoshoot!)
- The scare happened when my in laws have to be away for a wk's long holiday, makes us Realise we have to stay knitted and strong during this period of time when reliable help may not be available. And to appreciate each other's efforts more while we stretch our limits to survive this delicate period. We show more care & love as form of support for each other. And reflect more upon our actions in the treatment of the older kid when she threw tantrums in midst of our tiredness.
- I always complain that Husb never send me to work at my last difficult month of my last pregnancy & secretly hope that he can send me to work this time round. With this scare, he is finally spending that extra money to drive his OPC to send me to work. Maybe Kai Kai wants him to dote on mummy more. Hee...
- Because of this condition, my gynae gave me medical leave for the subsequent week to rest more & walk less. I am thankful for this as I Realise my body can't take it any longer beyond that 3 days in office clearing my work & doing handover. If not I would thought I could continue working till end of the year. I am grateful for a good rest now, in preparation for the big challenge (labour & taking care of the newborn) to come! And the early maternity leave that I have to take is actually good for me & my baby cuz less stressful for both of us.

Baby Kai Kai seems to have his special way of bonding the family as he works his magic inside me.

3rd Tri : Appreciative Thoughts

Due to my unstable condition & had to get bed rest as much as possible (or at least I can't walk too much), the Husb has to take care of Kayla by himself, run in and out of the house for errands by himself (or with Kayla). He gives me more hugs & gentle concern tender words more recently, that makes me feel more supported. I am really appreciative of his efforts he has put in for the family as I know he must be tired out from all the stress & running around. I feel so helpless not being able to help him. And I wish I quickly recover so that we can do things together as a couple, sharing the load together.

3rd Tri depression

I m feeling some signs of depression ever since I got admitted to hospital for emergency that day. My in laws will be on holiday this week, so no help available this wk. Next wk my gynae will be on holiday, so no gynae next week. Feeling kinda worried what if baby comes during these 2 wks? My work in office got disrupted & unsettled, causing one of my stress & helplessness. And with my wk's of bed rest & fatigue, I feel another sense of helplessness when I can't run my errands, & settle the unsettled work in preparation of the baby's arrival. I can't even go out & take a walk to relax myself. Practically No mood & physical energy to do anything. I just want to do nothing except to rest with my mind set at ease. I Duno why I m feeling that way. I m feeling both vexed, worried, unsettled yet have no mood & energy to do anything about it.

From babycenter:

Symptoms of depression could arise due to-

Problems with your pregnancy. A complicated or high-risk pregnancy can take an emotional toll, particularly if you're enduring weeks of bedrest or numerous genetic tests. (Women who are pregnant with twins or more often fall into this category.) The strain of having to endure difficult procedures combined with fear about your baby's well-being is often difficult to shoulder. Likewise, not being able to work or do other things you're used to doing makes it tougher to maintain your emotional balance.

I m quite worried I will bring my Prenatal depression into postnatal depression

Pre-labour alarm!

Sun 2 Dec 2012, 11.50pm - found that my panty liner got stained with brown spotting & got a scare! Woke Husb up & we decided to go to the hospital to check juz in case...

Initially thought its false alarm & can be discharged really soon, as I do not have any dilations or feel any contractions... Then they kept me under observation longer as the machine detected mild contractions. On the safe side, they gave me a pill to stop the contractions & an injection to boost the baby's lungs JUZ IN CASE he decides to pop out at 35th/36th wks! OMG! Pls don't... I was praying really hard inside my heart. I m not prepared yet. The logistics are not complete yet too!

My gynae came over & check my condition ard 4am. Inserted finger to check & realised there's still quite a bit of blood inside despite no dilation. So I have to be hospitalized till next day 12 noon. If still no signs of labour & no more blood then I can be discharged. Argh... I was expecting that I can go home real soon but it's taking longer & longer than expected. My gynae says her worries are not unfounded cuz she has/is delivering a few patients who have same due date as me! So they are all delivering ard 35th/36th wks already! That gets me more worried what would happen if I really have to deliver so early? My office work has not been hand-overed yet & I feel uneasy thinking of that alone. Plus my in laws are going for a week's holiday Tml!!! Who can help me with my confinement & Kayla when they are away? A lot of worries & questions running thru my mind & I can't do anything but pray things can go smoothly...

Now I m getting "Pre-exercise" routine of hearing all the newborns' crying at the nursery room... Makes me Realise that very soon (Duno how soon) I will be facing that...

With an elder kid at home, the Husb has to go home to relieve my in laws who were helping to jaga her when we came to hospital while I stay in the ward myself. Realised I have been more independent as the need arises... Well, we just have to grow as we go along the journey of parenthood...

I hope labour will not start so early & I can still enjoy my Xmas & New Year's Eve in peace...

My 2nd Pregnancy

Planned to have a Dragon baby before the Snake year comes, as Kayla is turning 3 years old in the year of Dragon. We started trying late 2011 but there had been no good news for the first 4 months of trying. Gotten dismayed whenever I tried using the ovulation calendar, ovulation test strips, then anxiously using the pregnancy test strip to test for the results - cuz' it all shows "negative".

When I finally got fed up and decided to stop using the ovulation test strips (yet still knowing my ovulation cycle at the back of my mind), a surprise came when I tested on 27 Apr 2012 (the day which I should have my menses). In the morning, the pregnancy test strip didn't show any positive signs and I was disappointed that it didn't happen again, and time is running out as this is the 2nd last month which I could try for a Dragon baby! Then at night when I returned from work, I realised that the test strip shows a faint pink line, meaning it's POSITIVE! I am glad that I did not throw away the test strip immediately and a miracle results show! We were both excited!

Went to the doc on 30 Apr 2012 to do another pregnancy test in order to confirm the results. Waiting excitedly for the results and oh my! We were so happy when it's confirmed. Yeh! We did it! The EDD is 2 Jan 2013. Hope it will be a New Year baby as I prefer January babies to Dec babies, and also less competitive when enrolling the kid in school next time. (*praying hard in the heart and mind*)

• Symptoms felt for this pregnancy:

- Swollen breasts and nipples
- Easily giddy
- Gets hot flushes and chills intermittently
- Mild tummy cramps
- Cravings: Prefer tea to coffee, sudden liking for sweet & junk food

First time had brown spotting during first trimester (ard 6 wks). I was so worried when it became dark red on the very night. It didn't stop. I could have over-exerted myself when I ran up and down the stairs in the office. Walked in to see my gynae the very next day, and waited for very long before it's my turn. The gynae gave me a hormone jab and prescribed hormone pills to stabilise the pregnancy and the situation. Gotten jittery and worried as I pray this pregnancy to be smooth & stable.

• Weight Tracker:

Mummy's weight @ 8 wks: 58.8kg
Mummy's weight @ [final wk] : To be determined.

Trying not to gain too much weight like the first pregnancy, but hard to attain as I have a growing appetite when I reach 2nd trimester! Cravings for sweets, chocolates, ice creams (desserts stuffs), chips (junk food) which I seldom touch before this pregnancy. Hmm..seems like this baby prefer sweet food!

• Feeling Good!

Generally feel quite comfortable during 2nd trimester. Seem not to have swell like the first pregnancy. And this baby is quite cooperative! More awake and kicking during breakfast, lunch & stimes dinner time. Then asleep together with me during night time haha... I hope the baby can be as cooperative after he is born!

My tummy is more pointed than round. And I can eat and sleep quite well. So naturally I feel good!

1st tri scan:

2nd tri scan:

Kayla Jie Jie first time seeing baby at the gynae clinic! & heard the baby's throbbing heart beat sound!

When Dr Wong asked if she wants didi or meimei, she said didi. During the scan the gynae almost wanted to say its a girl when she checked there's nothing visible & I was ready for the verdict. Then she went "wait wait... I see something..." that's when she detected the organ of a baby BOY!

Gosh I was half laughing & trembling due to the cold Aircon. It was like 'my wish came true! God is good to me!' I secretly wished for completeness & he granted my wish! Hope the baby boy will be as good as her Jie Jie!

Took a memoir pic with the gynae 3 yrs after she delivered Kayla!

Kayla's prediction before the 5th month detailed scan:

Results of the Detailed scan!

3 Sep 2012:
Finally the Husb felt & witnessed the lil boy's movents ynite when he was busy bloping up & down! Haha. The Husb was smiling so happily... He must have missed those precious moments! Initially I thought he may not be so eager to look fwd to such moments from Tis boy, cux firstly he has to spend more time with the older one during sleep time and tts when the baby is slightly more active. And secondly he may not have the patience & time to wait for the little waves since he is busy with the older one. Thirdly I thought he may have less preference towards boy...Well he has proven me wrong when I see the beam on his face when he brightens up upon feeling the movements!

• At 25th wks scan: We saw the baby yawning! How funny the sight is! Simply endearing

7 Nov 2012:

I put Kayla's hand on my tummy and she felt Baby Kai Kai's Hi-5 kick for the first time! I told Baby Kai Kai that is Kayla jie jie. Then she also felt the wobbles too and found it interesting and funny! An amazing moment for the 3 of us.

My 3 year old.

Kayla's 3 yrs old:

• Started not to wear diapers during naps yet managed to stay dry!( thou there are accidents too). Good improvements!

• Able to write letter l, i, m, b and number 0, 1, E

• Like to sit at the dining table with us & not wear bib cuz she said she's a big girl now!

• Feeling encouraged by being a big sister-to-be, she takes more initiative to learn independent skills like washing her own hands, learning to dress & undress herself, feed herself. Then she will want me to tell baby what she has done. I think she will be a very proud sister to the baby!

• Started teaching her how to wear her own socks. She tend to give up when it gets difficult to stretch open her socks opening. But we keep encouraging her by letting her try & try, with some help from us.

• Surprised us when she started to slip in her feet into her sandals by herself! We always wanted her to learn independence in doing such simple chores.

• Got her a new watch & learning clock so that she can learn to tell the time & also to learn how to keep her on track of activities without knowing the time

Proud of her!

• Play "Happy Birthday", "Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars", "London Bridge", "Jingle Bells" on the piano independently. (We seldom play the piano with her, but she will look at the music book and memorize the music scores by the color & letters of the keys)

• Learning to cut along the line on the paper

• Able to spell her own name!

- Also learnt to spell words like "Stop" (Keep asking the father to stop whenever sees the Stop sign on the road), "No", "Daddy".

• I can draw a tree!

• Learning to color within the boundaries

Character Display

• She displays an observant & sensitive character towards people ard her, esp when she sees People sleeping, or talking on the phone, she will initiate for us to ssh (be silent).When we tell her we are not feeling well, she will also be concerned for us and ask us what's wrong with us. Subsequently she may also follow up & ask if we are well already? Or are we still in pain? Stimes she will even take her toy doc's kit to give us a check up! Haha

• Tantrums Throwing:

First time seeing her having a nasty tantrum throwing by throwing everything from the table to the floor (gently) and putting the chairs down (not slamming them down). She had a very short nap in the day and that likely explains why she's in such a cranky mood towards the evening time. We didn't stop her immediately. Instead I felt she needs to vent her frustrations. We sat there quietly and observe, then we tell her calmly that she is to pick up everything later otherwise we are going to throw everything away. When her frustrated mood calms down, and is able to listen to us, then we pick up everything together.

I realise, dealing with kids nowadays, cannot be totally autocratic. They are mostly stubborn and refuse to listen, unless you put up a tough & long shouting war with them. Instead I prefer to do it the flexible way. Think of what may prompt them to listen. Entice them instead of forcing them. If this minute the child cannot/refuse to do it, then give them some time. At the next minute, maybe they are more prepared and more willing to do the things you want them to do. And, I always try to have fun with her when I want her to cooperate in doing something. No point making it a chore for them. Instead, making it as play will be even more interesting for them!

New Class!

• Went to a Pre-assessment by Mindchamps Reading, she is found to be willing to try despite that she may not know certain things, giving interesting ideas such as a full stop is a "wrong circle", being able to convey subsequent consequence analysis when she was asked why do you think the boy climbs the slide? As she is only able to recognize her alphabets & not by words, and no knowledge about phonics sounds, we have decided to sign her up for the reading classes since she has the interest & potential to develop further in this area (+tis mummy duno phonics! Haha)

Activities that she likes!

• Likes to go to the library!

Side-track:
This mummy of hers can finally "graduate" when I eventually conquered the last "mission impossible"- making her to sleep! I have never able to do that for the past 3 years...never without a hard battle with tears! She's now finally closer to me and always like to have me for accompany. I hope this is not just a transition stage whereby she's feeling jealous of the impending arrival of the younger sibling, and only got attached to me becuz of that reason. I do hope I can have such girls bonding time together with her in future even when the baby arrives. I love that personal bonding time with her!

[To be continued....]

New Blog domain is up & running!

After exporting all my old blogs from Multiply (soon to be closed wef 1 Dec 2012) to this Google Blogger, my new blog domain is finally up & running!

Hopefully with a Blogger app, I can blog more easily, anywhere & everywhere I go!

Thank goodness my 8 years worth of blog entries are able to be saved with this exporting tool. Otherwise I would have to take ages to archive them...

Kayla's 2012 (April)

• 1 Apr 2012: The Three Little Pigs by The Little Company

- Our first Little Company's show and it was pretty good! Kayla knew the story of "The Three Little Pigs" and this is a good chance to present her the live version of the story. This version is pretty Singaporean style and I like the humor twist in the way they made it!

• 6 Apr 2012 (Good Friday): Sand play date with Eiman @ Sentosa!

- It's Kayla's first time going to the beach and going for sand-playing. Decided to jio her playmate, Eiman, out to have a sandplay date together. We went to Sentosa early on the public holiday morning and glad we did that, cuz a few hours later a thunderstorm arrived at the time when we are all ready to go. It was a simple but successful sandplay date. Kayla not only dare to walk on the sand (with her sandals on), and even walk all the way to the seawater and let the waves touched her feet. It was an awesome experience for Kayla! She even got to see peacock for the first time. I love bringing her to outdoors for such learning exposure and experience.

• Kayla's school learning journey

(a) Show-and-tell: Presenting her handmade caterpillar

(b) Dressing up Day: In Butterfly outfit

Trial run

On actual day

The teacher set up a self-serve food corner for the kids to indulge in! There's even butterfly marshmallows as souveniers!

- Individual presentation of their butterfly outfit!

Following the "buffet", it now comes Fashion show! A 'butterfly' walk!

• Achievements:
  

- Able to identify A-Z. a-z
- Count from 1 - 20