Work-Identity Crisis
Counting the years since I graduated from NUS and stepped into the society to work, it has been about 3 years plus.. And I reflect upon my current job-status and the path I'd went through... I started from scratch as a HR Executive (perm) in a recruitment firm, then I jumped into a foreign bank as a Customer Service Associate, (long term temp -> perm) and now, I have "degraded" to a Company Secretariat Assistant (contract). Can you see the "degradation"? Well, a bit gan kai... especially when I see friends around me (especially female friends) moving up the ladder, with promotion and/or pay rise steadily, gaining recognition with their change in functional title (from Exec -> Senior Exec) and also having a good base of experience and knowledge gained from their job. I pale in comparison.. I am like a Jack of all trades, but Master of None. Friends around me have become specialists in their own expertise - Accountant la, Buyer la, Counsellor la, Teacher la, etc etc... more and more examples for me to name them... As compared, I am just as Assistant of something I do not have good knowledge in...
Haiz....
Is it because all the while I have never craved for an established CAREER? and rather I need a stable and well-paying JOB? Is it because of the mentality I have and the life that I pursue differently from others? The life that I am pursuing, is it towards becoming Old Yellow Hag (aka commonly known as Huang Lian Po)? Is my only goal in life is to give birth to babies, and take care of my family? Is there no other things in my life that I would gain sense of achievement from, apart from all these? I feel like I am a shallow coconut, with no meat, no juice. just an empty husk... People close to me often remark that I have no knowledge, no intelligence, simply nothing.. Even my dearie also always say that I am "useless", doing "useless" jobs.. yah, you guys are right... I am just a Ka-Gia.. An graduate Ka-Gia who gotta do all the odd jobs here and there, even clearing the newspapers in office! Ha! Ya, thats part of my job...
Age-Identity Crisis
Talking about age, I am just "a-quarter-of-a-century" old, yet I feel like I am "a-century" old.. Haha.. too kua zhang liao? Frankly speaking, I do feel older than my actual age.. Friends kept calling me "Mdm" la, "Aunty" la... as time goes by, I feel that all these terms have been fixed on me.. Not wanting to be a spoilsport, but I don't really like all these name-terms cuz it makes me feel even older and "unattractive"! Thou' ppl commented that I look like early 20s, I feel inside me, I am already 30s, a mother of 2 children, married for 10 whole years...wahaha... too kua zhang again? I don't know how to stop feeling "old" but I can't control the age progression physically and mentally.. Wait till you see my grey hairs and wrinkles coming out, coupled with bulging fats around my bum and tummy, that's the time I think I would feel like "a-century" old.
Haiz Haiz...
Where do I see myself from here? Old yellow hag with couple of kids, dirty with their saliva and food play, no make-up, poorly and badly dressed like an aunty, with a job that I have been in for 10 whole years, no change in seniority of title, just seniority in age.. muhahah... wat a good way to slap and laugh at myself.
Useless Oaf!
I dun like it.. very hurt after being shouted at. 
