It has been a week since Mummy Yam returned to work..Initially thought I will have some time to get back into work momentum but didnt expect myself to be facing urgent matters to handle right away. I've no choice but to force myself to retrieve data from my "backup drive" in my brain and quickly get hands-on the tasks. Other than having to cope with stress of the work, I also have to handle all by myself as boss is still not back from her maternity leave. On top of that I have to better manage my time as I need to go pump milk, wash n sterilise the equipments 2 times a day. Every morning I also have to wake up earlier to pump milk before going to work. *Tired* Although there are more challenges for me to cope, I find it surprising that I'm coping ok! Maybe my stress level tolerance has increased with the coping of a baby at home for the past 3 months...Motherhood indeed has made me grow stronger n more matured.
I dun dare to think of my baby when I am busy at work thou I really miss her a lot. Only dare to look at her pictures and think of her when I am at my milk expression sessions. I was so lookin forward to knocking off work everyday & wish weekends can quickly come so that I can take care of her myself. So contrasting situation now comparing to my 1st month with her..haha...
At first I thought I can count on the maid who have been with us for almost 2 months, to take care of Kayla together with my in-laws. But sigh..already facing problems with her barely 1st wk I return to work. My FIL is missing 2 special $5 notes from his wallet which he keeps as collection. And from that day onwards, the maid started to show distraction in her work attitude and performed badly. Since tis is nt the 1st time of missing $, we decide the element of trust is no longer there, so have to send her back to the agency. We really have no choice but to send her back even thou we find her performance good. I wonder if we can still find someone as good as her the next round. Actually I still dislike the idea of hiring a maid again as I do not wish to subject ourselves to such nightmares again, I have no choice since my in laws need extra help taking care of Kayla. Unless if we manage to find a good bbsitter nearby then that's even better!
Well, take a step at a time and see wat God has planned for us bah...
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
The feelings before going back to work..
In another week's time, I will have to end my 3 months' of Mum-@-Home assignment and resume to Mum-@-Work status...
In my 1st month of stayin at home, I felt tired, bored and desperately wanted to go back to work...But after being with my baby for almost 24/7 everyday, and seeing her growing up everyday, I really can't bear to leave her for so many hours without seeing her. I've grown attached to her, but I do not know whether is the mutual feeling for her too? Or so long if there's milk milk, and there's people carrying and cuddling her, she will feel indifferent? I duno yet.. Shall see it next week bah.
I am also worried that she will grow more attached to the maid - the main caregiver, when I am always not around with her. And she will get more used to her style and will not give in to mine. Especially that Filipino maid of mine always hum that song supposedly in tagalore that I dun understand, and my baby always go silent and rocked to sleep. Should I feel glad that she's able to pacify my baby or should I feel jealous that she has her way with the baby? I am also worried when we are not around to supervise and remind her, whether she will forget this forget that, neglect this and neglect that? But since we are not the ones taking care of the baby ourselves, how to monitor every single little thing ourselves? No matter how hard, also must slowly let go our grip and let them handle. One thing assuring is that, my in laws will be around to supervise the maid and help to take care of the baby themselves, so at least my baby will be close to their grandparents which is a good thing!
After going back to work, I also have to continue to express my milk. Wonders if that will hinder my work. Also not sure how to bring so many barang barang to office - the medela electronic pump bag, the containers and brush to wash the pumps, my own handbag... aiyo..dun even know how to squeeze into the mrt every morning. So I hope I can survive expressing of milk for the next 3 months when baby reaches 6th month old.
Kayla, mummy will miss u alot when I return to work in another week's time.. Will u miss me too?
In my 1st month of stayin at home, I felt tired, bored and desperately wanted to go back to work...But after being with my baby for almost 24/7 everyday, and seeing her growing up everyday, I really can't bear to leave her for so many hours without seeing her. I've grown attached to her, but I do not know whether is the mutual feeling for her too? Or so long if there's milk milk, and there's people carrying and cuddling her, she will feel indifferent? I duno yet.. Shall see it next week bah.
I am also worried that she will grow more attached to the maid - the main caregiver, when I am always not around with her. And she will get more used to her style and will not give in to mine. Especially that Filipino maid of mine always hum that song supposedly in tagalore that I dun understand, and my baby always go silent and rocked to sleep. Should I feel glad that she's able to pacify my baby or should I feel jealous that she has her way with the baby? I am also worried when we are not around to supervise and remind her, whether she will forget this forget that, neglect this and neglect that? But since we are not the ones taking care of the baby ourselves, how to monitor every single little thing ourselves? No matter how hard, also must slowly let go our grip and let them handle. One thing assuring is that, my in laws will be around to supervise the maid and help to take care of the baby themselves, so at least my baby will be close to their grandparents which is a good thing!
After going back to work, I also have to continue to express my milk. Wonders if that will hinder my work. Also not sure how to bring so many barang barang to office - the medela electronic pump bag, the containers and brush to wash the pumps, my own handbag... aiyo..dun even know how to squeeze into the mrt every morning. So I hope I can survive expressing of milk for the next 3 months when baby reaches 6th month old.
Kayla, mummy will miss u alot when I return to work in another week's time.. Will u miss me too?
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Baby Kayla is 2 months old!
2 months old Kayla has a lot of development since last month - Her weight gain, her chubbiness, her responsiveness to us, more "talking" (she is quite talkative..hee.. even said her first "Hello" to us!), more smiling, more of different types of cries including 撒娇 kind, more into playing, and likes it when we praised her. Sometimes she will juz want us to hug and carry her, and will cry once you put her down and will stop immediately when you carry her in your arms. How funny. 
Sometimes I even think she understands partly what we are trying to tell her as she stops to listen to what we say (not when she's hungry and frustrated lah!) So I like to play and talk to her more now as I feel my love is reciprocated. Started to enjoy playing and talking to her as my daily activity, and started to get used to life being a mummy... A bit reluctant to return back to worklife in another 2 weeks' time...haiz. How ironic. Wanted so much to go back to work during 1st month, and now wish I have more time with her... Sure will miss her a lot when I return back to work.
Her sleeping patterns have also now started to be more stable, and for the past few nights can sleep through the night without waking up for feeds. So now we are less tired in the sense that we do not need to wake up in the middle of the night. But she still cries and fuss for quite some time before she concussed, and always want us to carry her till she sleeps. Wondering is that a common problem among babies?
Loving her lots and lots more...my baby...my precious darling...
Her 1st time on the infant car seat:
Her 1st swim:
Her lovely smile:
Her grumpiness:
Her sucking thumb momentz:
Her play time:
Sometimes I even think she understands partly what we are trying to tell her as she stops to listen to what we say (not when she's hungry and frustrated lah!) So I like to play and talk to her more now as I feel my love is reciprocated. Started to enjoy playing and talking to her as my daily activity, and started to get used to life being a mummy... A bit reluctant to return back to worklife in another 2 weeks' time...haiz. How ironic. Wanted so much to go back to work during 1st month, and now wish I have more time with her... Sure will miss her a lot when I return back to work.
Her sleeping patterns have also now started to be more stable, and for the past few nights can sleep through the night without waking up for feeds. So now we are less tired in the sense that we do not need to wake up in the middle of the night. But she still cries and fuss for quite some time before she concussed, and always want us to carry her till she sleeps. Wondering is that a common problem among babies?
Loving her lots and lots more...my baby...my precious darling...
Her 1st time on the infant car seat:
Her 1st swim:
Her lovely smile:
Her grumpiness:
Her sucking thumb momentz:
Her play time:
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Confessions of a guilty mom
In fact, I think I do not deserved to be a mother at all.
I am really guilty. I think I am not a good mother. Call it mother's instinct, I sense that the baby does not actually need me as her mother at all. What do I provide her? I only provide her breastmilk, in fact, she can rely on formula milk, she doesn't need me at all. Whenever she is in distress and cries, I try to carry her but resulted in more agitatedness. But once she is handed over to her father, she will eventually calm down and sleep peacefully in his warmth arms. Why? Why can't she find peace with me - her mother? I juz feel that she doesn't like me as much as her father who is so much more patient, loving and understanding towards her than me towards her.
I feel so guilty. Then he understands that the baby cries because she may be uncomfortable, having stomach wind, not because she wants to cry. By understanding that, he dotes on her more and not detests her non-stop crying. What about me? Instead of doing even better than him, I lamented how sian it is that she keeps crying, and especially when I tried to coax her it got even worse. I even grumbled in frustration that I hate her crying.
I shouldn't say all these, as a mother. But I really said that. Even my husband is also upset with me for saying such things. I see how he hugs her and sayang her, askin her if she's in pain ah, then I reflect on myself, why can't I do the same to my daughter? Why can't I understand that she may be suffering or unhappy, and try to be more patient towards her instead of venting frustrations over her crying. I admit that sometimes I will vent my frustrations on her by refusing to coax her or sayang her when she cries... I am so guilty of so many sins. So I am an undeserving mother. She doesn't need me at all. She has her good and doting father to care for her will do. He is doing much better than me in all aspects.
No matter how hard I try, how much I do, I am juz not doing enough. I am juz not a good mother. I am juz not understanding enough. I am juz not patient enough. I am just not showing enough love.
~Confessions by a very guilty and undeserving mom~
I am really guilty. I think I am not a good mother. Call it mother's instinct, I sense that the baby does not actually need me as her mother at all. What do I provide her? I only provide her breastmilk, in fact, she can rely on formula milk, she doesn't need me at all. Whenever she is in distress and cries, I try to carry her but resulted in more agitatedness. But once she is handed over to her father, she will eventually calm down and sleep peacefully in his warmth arms. Why? Why can't she find peace with me - her mother? I juz feel that she doesn't like me as much as her father who is so much more patient, loving and understanding towards her than me towards her.
I feel so guilty. Then he understands that the baby cries because she may be uncomfortable, having stomach wind, not because she wants to cry. By understanding that, he dotes on her more and not detests her non-stop crying. What about me? Instead of doing even better than him, I lamented how sian it is that she keeps crying, and especially when I tried to coax her it got even worse. I even grumbled in frustration that I hate her crying.
I shouldn't say all these, as a mother. But I really said that. Even my husband is also upset with me for saying such things. I see how he hugs her and sayang her, askin her if she's in pain ah, then I reflect on myself, why can't I do the same to my daughter? Why can't I understand that she may be suffering or unhappy, and try to be more patient towards her instead of venting frustrations over her crying. I admit that sometimes I will vent my frustrations on her by refusing to coax her or sayang her when she cries... I am so guilty of so many sins. So I am an undeserving mother. She doesn't need me at all. She has her good and doting father to care for her will do. He is doing much better than me in all aspects.
No matter how hard I try, how much I do, I am juz not doing enough. I am juz not a good mother. I am juz not understanding enough. I am juz not patient enough. I am just not showing enough love.
~Confessions by a very guilty and undeserving mom~
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
The new maid is here
We've hired a Filipino maid for my in-laws as will be putting the baby in their care after I return to work, and she'd arrived yesterday.
I never had a maid in my life so very not used to having a "stranger" in the house. I am also not used to teaching someone household chores (cuz normally its hubbie who is teaching me..heehee), supervising someone to do tasks. I am also not used to someone calling me "Mum, Mum, Mum"..haha.. I am a lazy person and is kinda glad that I do not need to do so much household chores now, but keep reminding myself whatever I can do myself, I try to do cuz if not I will become too dependent on her help and become lazier in the future when we send her to stay at my in-law's place.
Well, first impression of the maid is pretty ok - she is quite initiative, will observe how we do things then try to do herself, standard of English still not bad (at least both sides understand each other), knows how to use electrical appliances (apparently she used to work in Singapore for 2 years few years back), can cook. Basically she can do the household chores without us telling her to. Juz hoping she will not give us any problem when the real self surfaces..
I never had a maid in my life so very not used to having a "stranger" in the house. I am also not used to teaching someone household chores (cuz normally its hubbie who is teaching me..heehee), supervising someone to do tasks. I am also not used to someone calling me "Mum, Mum, Mum"..haha.. I am a lazy person and is kinda glad that I do not need to do so much household chores now, but keep reminding myself whatever I can do myself, I try to do cuz if not I will become too dependent on her help and become lazier in the future when we send her to stay at my in-law's place.
Well, first impression of the maid is pretty ok - she is quite initiative, will observe how we do things then try to do herself, standard of English still not bad (at least both sides understand each other), knows how to use electrical appliances (apparently she used to work in Singapore for 2 years few years back), can cook. Basically she can do the household chores without us telling her to. Juz hoping she will not give us any problem when the real self surfaces..
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Baby Kayla is 1 month old!
Congrats to myself that I have finally endured 1 full month of confinement and I finally can be "released" today! Wahaha...
Following the end of my confinement is that, Baby Kayla is 1 month old! I agree that despite the past 1 month hasn't been easy for me and hubby, time flies!
I am loving Baby Kayla more and more each day, finding her multiple facial expressions, her different types of cries representing different needs, the look in her innocent eyes, and even when she 'gek sai' are all so funny and interesting! Maybe the bonding between us is finally setting in...
Today is the 1st time I breastfeed Baby Kayla in public (in a restaurant), and not in a nursing room. Initially I was quite worried that I may not be able to handle as it may be awkward for me. Surprisingly I managed to cover ourselves quite discreetly and I can even eat while I feed her in comfort! Cool! With more practice, I am sure I will get more familiar with such feeding antics.
For the past weeks, I have learnt how to push myself beyond the usual limits, to strengthen my mental determination despite the physical tiredness, to pick myself up after having a good cry, and being more patient. All these are because of the love I have for Baby Kayla and my husband..
Some photo updates of Baby Kayla:
Her favourite pasttime - biting her fingers
Her little finger..holding Papa's finger tightly..
Her tiny little feet, saying Hi!
Baby Kayla, dressed up beautifully for her baby shower celebration
Following the end of my confinement is that, Baby Kayla is 1 month old! I agree that despite the past 1 month hasn't been easy for me and hubby, time flies!
I am loving Baby Kayla more and more each day, finding her multiple facial expressions, her different types of cries representing different needs, the look in her innocent eyes, and even when she 'gek sai' are all so funny and interesting! Maybe the bonding between us is finally setting in...
Today is the 1st time I breastfeed Baby Kayla in public (in a restaurant), and not in a nursing room. Initially I was quite worried that I may not be able to handle as it may be awkward for me. Surprisingly I managed to cover ourselves quite discreetly and I can even eat while I feed her in comfort! Cool! With more practice, I am sure I will get more familiar with such feeding antics.
For the past weeks, I have learnt how to push myself beyond the usual limits, to strengthen my mental determination despite the physical tiredness, to pick myself up after having a good cry, and being more patient. All these are because of the love I have for Baby Kayla and my husband..
Some photo updates of Baby Kayla:
Her favourite pasttime - biting her fingersHer little finger..holding Papa's finger tightly..Her tiny little feet, saying Hi!Baby Kayla, dressed up beautifully for her baby shower celebrationTuesday, August 25, 2009
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